Page 90 of Raze
Her smile stretches across her face. “Can I join you?”
“Maybe another time. I need to think alone tonight.”
Cassandra’s face drops into a pout, but I can see the wheels turning in her mind when her brow furrows. “Is this abouther?”
“Who?” I ask casually. She can’t be talking about Raegan. I’ve been very careful to keep my history with her a secret outside of our group and Cibrina, who I know would never break my confidence. I consider each encounter Cassandra has had with Raegan, between healings and the Guild, and I had been sure to be visibly distant from her.
She laughs softly, like she thinks I’m messing with her, and settles herself more in the seat. “Raegan, silly. Is that why you came out here to think? Because she’s staying with you?”
My face remains stoic as I take another sip of my drink to give myself more time to think. Apparently, I’ve been more obvious than I thought. Though Cassandra is the only one to have seen her with me more than the one time when I’d brought her to the Guild. I often show newcomers the Guild, so to the others, there would have been nothing odd about that visit.
Cassandra smiles at me when I don’t answer right away. “You know, a woman’s intuition is pretty accurate, so I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. I would’ve been able to tell you had a thing for her even if I’d only seen you together the one time.” Her fingers trail overthe lines and cuts in the wooden table. I follow them with my eyes and then look back at her face.
“I don’t have a thing for her,” I deny, lying through my teeth without hesitation.
She shrugs, and I take it as if she’s agreeing to disagree without trying to start up an argument. “So, what’s the problem?” I raise an eyebrow at what she means by that, and she adds, “The one you came all the way out here to solve by yourself? Maybe I can help.”
“No. I appreciate the offer, but this is a personal matter.”
“Did she reject you? I mean, she stormed off on you when you showed her the Guild, right? Seems kinda childish of her, if you ask me. And she got snippy when I was healing Kellan.Andshe wouldn’t let go of Jackson the entire time I healed him. Seems a bit possessive and controlling for a girl who showed up out of nowhere. I think you’ll need to keep an eye on her with them if you’re trying to go for her, and be careful she doesn’t fuck your friends behind your back.”
“Enough!” I stand and slam my glass down on the table hard enough that it shatters in my grasp. I don’t even feel the glass cutting into my palm past the burn in my chest while I turn a heated glare on Cassandra. “Talk about her like that again and I won’t be able to hold myself back. You have no idea who she is or what she’s been through to spread slander like that.”
The rest of the bar has gone quiet, but she doesn’t bother looking around at anyone else. Cassandra smiles up at me and then takes my hand in both of hers. I jerk it back, but not hard, because she keeps her grip on it and shoots me a look. Then she turns it palm up andlightly picks out any glass there. “Maybe if you were more honest with yourself about her and how you feel, then she would be more honest with you.”
I frown at that. She holds her palm over mine once the glass is gone, and her healing warmth fills in the cuts until there’s no sign of what I’d done.
“Is everything all right over here?” Yahaira appears at our table.
“We’re fine,” Cassandra answers without looking her way.
Yaya glances over at me for confirmation, and I give her a curt nod. She nods in return and cleans the glass from the table with her wet rag. “I’ll get you a fresh drink then,” she says before turning and leaving us be.
I realize then that Cassandra has yet to let go of my hand, even though there’s nothing more to heal.
“Cassandra…”
Her fingers tighten as she gazes up at me. “I know you’ve told me you’re not interested in me that way. And now I know why. But, if it’s too hard for you and her to be together, won’t you try with me? I swear, I would be a good partner. I can cook, I’m great to have around after a fight, and I can take care of you. I’d listen to anything you had to say, and I wouldn’t give you any trouble. I would love you better than anyone else could, Aiden.”
I pull my hand free of hers, and her face falls. “Stop selling yourself short. You deserve to be with someone who will care about you just as much as you care about them. But that person will never be me.” It’s blunt and callous, but I’ve tried letting her down softly before, and she still comes back. I’m ready for her to realize that this is neverhappening between us. I gave away my heart a long time ago, and I don’t think I’m ever getting it back.
I also know it’s not me that she really likes. It’s my power and position. She’s hunting for safety and security, and right now, I’m fitting that image for her.
She sighs and leans her face into her hand. “Alright. I give.” Yahaira delivers another bourbon to me and a glass of red wine to Cassandra without a word before Cassandra continues, “Do you think Kellan might—”
“No,” I interrupt before she can even finish that thought. “And no to Dane and Jackson, too.”
She huffs, and the curls on her forehead scatter. “Fine.” She raises her wineglass at me and waves her hand at the seat to remind me that I’m still standing. I sit and raise my glass, but I don’t move to clink it against hers until I know what she’s toasting to. “Here’s to a night of drinking, reflection, and unattainable love.”
I fight not to roll my eyes at the last part but meet her glass halfway before taking a long swig of bourbon.
Because she’s not wrong.
Chapter twenty-three
Raegan
The door slams behindme as I power through the firehouse. I’m not even sure where I’m heading, just so long as it’s far away from Aiden. If I tell him what Gordon made me do, he’d call me the same names that Vera spat at me, and I know it would break me. He already shot close to the mark before, and I almost lost it then. I can’t trust him not to verbally and viscerally rip me to shreds once he finds out.
