Page 87 of Raze
I won’t be making that mistake again.
The bathroom door squeaks open, and I hear a curtain slide across the metal bar in a stall further down from mine. I take another long breath, drawing the steam into my chest one last time before slipping the mask of casual indifference over my features like a second skin. It’s a talent I learned a long time ago to keep my emotions buried deep and away from others’ notice.
Except when it comes toher, and it all comes out with the smallest provocation.
A quick glance over the stall confirms Dane is in here, as I’d guessed. Kellan would be training Raegan now, so Dane’s showering after his session. The stalls are just tall enough to reach his chin, but my entire head is exposed above the cheap plastic walls. I have no idea how Kellan showers in these when my head barely fits under the shower head if I duck. He must have to squat under it or bend over to get his hair and face clean.
Seeing Dane just reminds me of what she’d thrown at me on her way out. She ran once again because that’s what she’s good at, and left me with bricks of ambiguous information that gave me more questions than answers. If only I could restrain her again, keep her from running away so I could get the information I need. She seems to open up more to me when she’s angry than anything else, and I have a knack for getting her there.
But there was something she had given me this time that I might be able to work with. Something that I’d need Dane’s assistance for.
I clear my throat and step back, so the shower is hitting my upper chest. My palm drags back over my hair to push the dripping water from my face, and then I check that I have Dane’s attention. “What did Vera say to you about Raegan? She said she almost ran the other night because she was scared of us learning something about her, which I assume has to do with Vera sharing something with you. What was it?”
Dane’s brows pinch together. “What did she say to you?”
“She didn’t tell me more than that. I’d like you to fill me in so I know better what I’m dealing with.”
His lips firm into a flat line, and he shakes his head while reachingfor his soap. “If she isn’t giving you that information, then I can’t tell you anything.”
My hands curl at my sides, but I force the tension in my body to relax before he can see it. This is getting ridiculous. The only reason there’s division between us is poor communication. And every chance where I try tofix it, I’m denied. Now, by the very person who should hate her the most.
“Dane. I’m serious. We can’t move forward until we get past this. I’m trying to help all of us.”
“I’m serious, too. I promised her I wouldn’t tell anyone or talk about it until she was ready. It’s not mine to tell.”
Deep, controlled breaths. “Since when are you standing up for her? Why wouldn’t you ask her about it? What am I missing?”
He scrubs the soap into his hair with rough fingers and a pensive look that’s so at odds with the scowl he’s been wearing for years that I’m wondering what I’ve missed these last few weeks while helping the Guild. Has she changed the others this much just by being around us?
“We’re…starting over. Vera showed her true colors the other night, and I have no choice but to believe Raegan. No,” he corrects himself, then pauses to consider his next words. “I have a choice, but I choose to believe her now. She’s protected me all this time from knowing what Vera’s turned into, even though we all hated her for it. If Vera wasn’t still around, she would have died with that knowledge, and I would still think that Raegan killed my innocent sister.”
“She still killed your sister,” I remind him flatly. Something that would once trigger a temper tantrum from him or make him pullhis hair from grief.
Instead, he simply nods. “I know. I haven’t forgiven that completely. But I know why she did it.”
“So, what? Now you’re pals again?” I fight to keep the sarcasm from my tone, but hearing that another one of us has worked something out with her has me livid. I’m the only one left. The only one she refuses to talk to, to hang out with, to tease. I see the way she looks out the window for Jackson. And now I better understand the looks she gives Kellan. The small smiles she’s beginning to share with Dane.
She’ll never look at me that way.
“We’re figuring that out,” he tells me at last, but I’ve already moved on from caring about his answer. I need a stiff drink. And fresh air.
Every time I come back to Old Red, I feel like I’m suffocating. Maybe that’s the real reason I’ve been avoiding it. Why I’ve been coming up with excuses for them to hang tight and not move on GE. I want Raegan to be constantly around me and under my control, but then, when I have her in arm’s reach, all we do is poison the air between us, and she runs away.
I turn off the shower and grab my towel, wrapping it around my waist and leaving the bathroom without another word to Dane. I don’t know what else to say to him until I can get this shit figured out in my head first.
I go right for one of the suits that fill my closet, picking out a black one this time rather than the usual gray. I take my time pulling on each item of clothing, and I can feel my self-assuredness returningto me. It’s like I’m putting on my armor for the world, for Raegan, for the thoughts and feelings that constantly haunt me, with every layer. Confidence oozes from me once I’ve finished the getup with my silk tie.
I run my hand down the tie to the buttons on my jacket and smirk into the mirror.
Much better.
I’ll go get a drink, breathe in the crisp night air, and gather a fresh perspective before coming home with a new game plan.
I park my Aston Martin in the reserved spot at the bar the Guild owns in the city. A member of the Guild owns every establishment that holds one of the secret tunnels to the bunker. The Guild isn’t listed on the ownership papers, of course, but it is the Guild that funds and supports the business, and the member just manages and runs it without worrying too deeply about the financials.
When I walk inside, half of the patrons are members who each catch my eye and smile or nod at me while I’m scanning the room. The rest are regular people of society who don’t look twice at the man in the suit entering a bar at this hour. It’s just after nine in the evening, so it’s still early by bar and drinking standards.
I stride over to an open booth to sit rather than the bar. I’m not looking to chat with anyone tonight. I need to drink and process everything Raegan and Dane said to me so I can decide our next stepsof how we move forward.
