Page 91 of Is Anyone Listening?
"I was afraid you wouldn't let me stay. I didn't know if you knew about me. I also didn't know if you'd recognize me."
"You don't look like your father, but now that I know, maybe I do see some of him in you. I'm not sure. It's been so long since I've seen him."
"I still can't believe you never looked him up."
"As I said, he always knew where I was. He could have reached out if he wanted to. Obviously, he didn't want to."
"You both have a lot of pride. Probably too much."
"That's a possibility," she conceded. "And I think it may be time for you to leave. I can't tell you what happened with your dad and me. Even if I could, it wouldn't matter. What's done is done."
"The past isn't everything. There's the present. There's the future."
"Not a future we can share."
"Why not? I'm not my dad."
"Your father wouldn't allow that."
"I'm twenty-eight years old. I don’t need his permission to know my grandmother."
"It would end your relationship. He would think you made a choice. And then he would make one." Ellen cocked her head to the side, her gaze sharp on my face. "Do you really want to choose me over him?"
I didn't answer right away because her question had cut through the polite bullshit we had going on. "I can't choose you, because I don't trust you."
Ellen stiffened. "Well, I appreciate your honesty."
"No, you don't. You don't want me to be honest. You want me to leave and never think about this place again. But I don't understand why, and maybe that's the reason I can't go yet."
"You have a life in New York. That's where you should be. You're young. You have years ahead of you to be whoever you want to be. I don't want to see your life defined by what has happened between your father and me, or what you think might be going on in this town. Go home, Cassidy. Find love, make a new family, and forget about this place."
There was a passion in my grandmother's voice that made me feel like she was speaking from her heart, like she wanted me to leave for my own sake, but was she really just protecting herself?
A knock came at her door. She hesitated, then got up to answer it. "Excuse me."
When she opened the door, I saw Moira. "I'm sorry to bother you," she said. "But Dr. Garrett is here, and she needs to speak to you."
"Have her wait in my office; I'll be right there." Ellen shut the door, then said, "I have to go."
"I heard," I said as I got to my feet.
"Think about what I said, Cassidy."
"I will. But I'm not leaving tonight."
"We'll talk again tomorrow." She ushered me out the door, then followed me.
When we got to the lobby, she went into her office, and I moved into the dining room where the servers had set out finger sandwiches along with other snacks. I made a plate, grabbed a glass of wine, and then headed upstairs to my room.
Once inside, I locked the door, then shoved the dresser back in front of it, feeling better with the added protection. Even though my grandmother had been relatively nice to me, I couldn’t forget how she'd told Ray she would handle me.
That had probably meant convincing me to go home. At least, that's what I hoped it meant. Until I could figure that out, I was going to keep asking questions, taking steps forward, and hope that I could find the truth before someone found a way to stop me.
I set up my equipment and recorded a shorter podcast, ignoring my grandmother’s request not to film from my room. I’d deal with her issues later. I related the new information about Nathan's overdose and how that might impact Jessica's case. I also said that the podcast was forcing people to listen to us, to ask questions on their own, to force the police to keep investigating, and we were going to keep at it as long as possible. I didn't mention overhearing Ellen's conversation with Ray. It was too personal. And it would put too much attention on Ellen and Ray, something I couldn't afford while I was staying at the inn. I was trying to be brave, but I was not that brave.
Thursday morning, I woke up with an ache in my neck and shoulders, probably from the tension that had grown in intensity every day I spent in Stonecross. Glancing at the clock, I was surprised to see it was after nine. I hadn't thought I'd sleep at all.
As I sat up in bed, I grabbed my laptop, which was next to me, and checked the podcast. I didn't think I'd done that great a job last night, jumping from one random fact to another, but the number of views had tripled from the previous podcast, and so had the comments.
