Page 35 of The Right Time to Jump
Thankfully, Jake and I get along now, and he knows I’m good for his sister. He knows I’m taking care of her, and I think it helped their relationship as well. He acts more like a brother to her, not as overbearing or demanding. She’s happier… smiling all the time. For the first time, I think she feels safeenough to express what she needs without feeling like she’s not independent.
Maybe Clair was right all along. I was just too stubborn to see it. Losing her was not my fault, and it was okay to be happy with someone else. I wasn’t erasing her and I never would be… I’m just me now. The person I used to be, only now I can love Emma loudly and boldly. Even though I hadn’t told her, I knew she felt it, and she knew I did. Lying back in bed, I pulled her closer and kissed her temple. “I’m not letting you go.”
“Good. Because I’m not going anywhere.” She smiled, eyes fluttering shut.
“You scare the shit out of me, you know that?” I admitted.
“Why?”
“Because for the first time since Clair… I actually want forever.”
She didn’t say anything right away. She didn’t have to. She just turned her face into my chest, her lips pressing against my skin like a promise. We lay there in the quiet, both of us thinking how differently everything would have gone if I would have let the old me win.
It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t easy. But it wasreal. And for the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel Clair’s ghost. I didn’t feel blame or guilt. I just felt at home.
