Page 73 of A House of Gold
“Depends on the question.”
“How do you know when you’re changing? When this place is changing you into something you’re not?”
Nat is quiet for a long time. Then: “You don’t. Not really. It’s gradual. Insidious. One day you wake up and realize you’ve been here so long you can’t remember what your old life felt like. Can’t remember who you were before the gold and the contractsand the endless service.” He meets my eye. “Why? You feeling different?”
I think about last night. About kissing Croesus. About saying I belong to him and some small part of me meaning it—wanting it.
“Yeah, I’m feeling differently.”
“That’s normal. This place gets to you. Under your skin. Makes you forget what normal looks like.” He leans back. “But you’re only a few weeks in. A month? You haven’t lost yourself yet. You can still get out with most of yourself intact.”
“What if I don’t want to get out?”
The words surprise me as much as they surprise him. But once they’re out there, hanging in the air between us, I realize they’re true. Part of me doesn’t want to leave. Doesn’t want to go back to my shitty apartment and barely paying clients and constant struggle to survive.
Part of me wants to stay here. In the gold. With Croesus.
God, what’s wrong with me?
“Then you’re more lost than you think,” Nat says gently. “And you need to figure out why you want to stay before it’s too late to leave.”
I wait until midnight to call Ash.
Not because I’m trying to hide it, though I am technically breaking rules by contacting anyone outside without permission, but because I need the house to be quiet. Need to be sure Croesus won’t walk in and catch me talking to another man less than twenty-four hours after kissing him.
After telling him I belonged to him.
I sit on my bed, door locked, and dial Ash’s number with shaking hands.
He picks up on the first ring. “Hello.”
“Hey,” I whisper, choked up.
“Raven? Jesus Christ, are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” The lie comes automatically. “Just checking in.”
“Checking in? It’s been weeks. I’ve been going out of my mind wondering if you were dead.” His voice is tight with worry. “Where are you?”
“The House of Gold. I told you.”
“I know where you are. I meant, are you okay? Are they hurting you? Do you need me to come and get you? Get you free?”
“Ash, stop.” I take a breath. “I’m fine. I’m safe. I’m just...working. Breaking contracts. That’s all.”
“That’s all?” He doesn’t believe me. “Raven, you sound exhausted. You sound like you’re barely holding it together. What’s going on?”
“Nothing’s going on. I’m just tired. Absorbed a big sin yesterday, seven years of pride. It took a lot out of me.”
“Seven years?” His tone shifts from worried to alarmed. “Raven, that could have killed you. What the hell were you thinking?”
“I was thinking it needed to be done. And I did it. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. I can hear it in your voice.” A pause. “Is he treating you well? Croesus?”
The question makes my stomach twist.Is he treating me well?He owns me. Makes me break contracts and steal souls. Calls me his.
“He’s...complicated,” I say finally.
