Page 93 of A House of Gold
"Then you're in danger." He's close enough now to touch, but he doesn't. Just stands there, radiating tension. "The watchers can't interfere with me directly. There's a treaty, ancient, binding, negotiated after the fall. Heaven agreed not to pursue us if we agreed not to challenge them. The watchers can observe but not act against the seven."
"But they can act against me."
"Yes." The word is bitter. "You're human. Mortal. You fall outside the treaty's protection. They can compel you. Harm you. Take you. And I can't stop them. I can't fight Heaven directly. If I do, the treaty breaks, and they'll come for all of us. Destroy the houses. Scatter us to the winds. Everything we've built, everything we've endured for three thousand years, gone."
I've never seen him like this. And it’s fucking terrifying.
"So what do we do?" I ask.
"We be careful. You stop researching in ways they can detect. I don't know. I've spent years learning how to avoid Heaven's notice. But they've never cared this much before. Never watched this closely."
"Because of me."
"Because of what you represent. And they're going to try to eliminate you before you become whatever they think you could become."
The words should terrify me. They do terrify me. But underneath the fear is something else. Anger.
"So Heaven killed my grandmother. And now they want to kill me. Because we dared to ask if there's a way to break a curse that's been torturing you for millennia." My voice shakes. "Because we thought we could save people from themselves by saving you.”"
"Raven..."
"No." I pull away from his hand. "Don't tell me to stop. Don't tell me it's too dangerous. I already know it's dangerous. Everything about this is dangerous. But if Heaven is so scared of what I might do, maybe that means it's actually possible."
"Or maybe it means you're going to get yourself killed." His voice rises. "You think I want that? You think I want to watch watchers drag you away because you were too stubborn to stop digging into things that should stay buried?"
"You mean you are too scared to hope things could change."
The accusation lands hard. His jaw tightening along with his fists.
"I've had years to hope," he says quietly. "Years to search for a way out of this curse. And I've found nothing. Nothing but pain and disappointment and the slow realization that some things can't be fixed. Some punishments are eternal." He turns away. "I don't want you to learn that lesson the way I did."
I stare at his back, at the tension in his shoulders, and realize what this is actually about.
"You're not trying to protect me from Heaven," I say. "You're trying to protect me from hope."
He doesn't answer.
"Because if I try and fail, it'll hurt. But if I don't try at all, you don't have to risk believing things could be different." I move closer. "That's the real curse, isn't it? Not the hunger. Not the greed. It's the fact that you've given up."
"I haven't given up." But his voice lacks conviction.
"Then help me." I touch his back, feel him tense under my hand. "Help me figure out how to do this without Heaven noticing. Help me research carefully. Help me become whatever I need to be to break this curse."
"And when the watchers come for you anyway? When Heaven decides you're too dangerous to live? What then?"
"Then I'll deal with it. But I'm not stopping because they're scared. I'm not letting them win just because they might have killed my grandmother." I slide around to face him. "She must have gotten close. Close enough that they had to stop her. That means it's possible. And I'm going to finish what she started."
He looks at me for a long moment. Then, surprising me, he laughs, bitter and broken.
"You're going to get me killed too, you know. Or worse. When Heaven realizes I'm helping you, the treaty won't protect me anymore."
"So don't help me."
"I can't do that either." He touches my face, thumb tracing my cheekbone. "Because you're right. About all of it. About hope and fear and the fact that I've spent three thousand years choosing survival over freedom." His forehead touches mine. "But I'm tired, Raven. I'm so tired of existing like this. And if you're actually going to try, if you're actually brave enough or crazy enough or stubborn enough to attempt the impossible, then I want to help. Even if it destroys us both."
"It won't."
"You can't promise that."
