Page 50 of Hollywood King
Twenty
Cathy
A week passed,and I heard nothing from him. Not that I expected him to call after the way I acted. Faced with a week to brood about that night, I may have developed some regrets. Not my decision to keep him from becoming my caretaker. I’d hold onto that choice by my teeth if necessary. But the way I told him the news, and Eddy. Who was now unwillingly smack between us…no, there was no longer an us. We both made our needs clear, and they didn’t match up. He didn’t want to be with me. But I had to accept the fact I drove him away this time.
If we both weren’t so stubborn, we might see a way through this mess. Unfortunately, both of us will beat our heads against a wall to get what we want. And this choice was something I’d never back down on.
My email dinged from my phone across the room. I pried myself out of bed, snagged it, and returned to the warm haven of my covers. The short trip stole the air from my lungs. I had to take a few deep, steadying breaths before I could open my phone and check the email.
As expected, Eddy helped push to get me into the experimental trial. The email confirmed almost every penny I possessed went through and my flight for the east coast was booked. Three months hooked up to machines while doctors poke and prod me. To the alternative, three months was nothing. I just wondered if Heath would be here when I returned, or if I’d torched every bridge, byway, and alley back to him since I bungled everything so well.
A knock interrupted my third scan of the email, and I shouted, “Come in,” assuming Eddy came by to check on the status of the trial. Another knock, maybe he forgot his key.
I hobbled to the door and dragged it open about to launch into a tirade about staying in bed, since he lectured me on it the day before. But Heath stood on the other side, not Eddy.
When I didn’t say anything, he broke the tension. “Can I come in?”
I gripped the door and tried to look nonchalant. Or healthy, just healthy. “Are you here to try and change my mind?”
He dropped his chin and slipped his hands into his pockets. “No, I just wanted to talk before you left.”
The tone of his voice gripped my heart. Nothing to do but let him inside. I doubted he’d leave even if I asked him to. He swept in the open door, and I closed it behind him, unsure what to do with him now. My house looked like a tornado hopped through. Between packing for the trip and my complete inability to waste energy on cleaning, my possessions bore the neglect. “Sorry about the mess.”
The look he cut me could have sliced through bone. “Cathy, you know fucking well I don’t care what your house looks like.”
I stalked toward my bedroom talking to him as I walked since I knew he’d follow. “Don’t get testy with me. This is my home. You came to me.”
Once I settled under the covers, I glared at him over my propped up knees.
“Sorry, I’m just.” He sat on the other side of my feet sinking the bed down with his heavier weight. “I can’t imagine a version of my life without you in it. Before we got back in touch, I moved through the day, a ghost of the man I knew I could be with you by my side. Now, after having you, I fear giving you up might break me.”
I sat forward and reached for him, but he eyed my hand warily. “Heath?”
Finally, he shifted around, bringing his knee up so he could face my properly. “Cathy, be with me. No matter the form you take—girlfriend, lover, best friend—wife. But don’t leave me in this abyss without you.” He squeezed his eyes shut and whispered, “I can’t live without you: my life, my soul.”
The word wife rang in my ears with a heavy echo through my head. To be his wife. To wake up next to him every single day.
No. It was a lie, a silly fantasy dreamed up by kids so many years ago. In reality, I might be dead in three months. If I could spare him the pain of my loss by pushing him away now, it wasn’t a question of when, but how.
But would I still be me on the other side?
It took every tiny particle left in my body to shutter my emotions and replace the ache reverberating through me with indifference. “Heath, I appreciate the sentiment. I’m glad we reconnected before all this happened, but we never discussed what we were to each other. Purposefully, on my part. You should go.”
If there was any mercy left on this Earth, he’d get up and walk away from me right now before my mask of control shatters and breaks. Before I launch myself into his lap and let him take me anywhere as long as we stayed together.
The seconds ticked by, and I refused to meet his eyes, instead staring at the strong arches of his cheekbones framed by his wild curls. After what felt like hours, he stood, buttoned his suit jacket, and turned his back to me. “I have not broken your heart.Youhave broken it, and in breaking it, you have broken mine. I know you’re hiding how you really feel so you can spare me, save me in some way. But without you, living or dead, I’m not a whole man. And I don’t give up as easily as you seem to.”
He walked out.
Left.
The front door slammed, and I cracked from the inside out. Imploded as the sobs escaped and wracked through me in great heaving bursts. Tears poured down my face, and I rolled onto my side, my face pressed to the cool bare sheet. When the coughing started, I forced myself to drink water and regulate my breathing despite the fact my heart exploding obliterated my lungs. My stomach, everything inside me felt like acid, and if I didn’t get my shit together, it would leak out and continue to destroy the people I loved.
Eddy found me like that, laying sideways on my bed staring off in the middle space. All I could see there was Heath’s strong back, his shoulders bunched up, walking away from me.
For the second time.
He checked my pulse and flitted as he sat me up and eased me back into the covers. Thankfully, he didn’t comment on my puffy cheeks, red eyes, and no doubt drenched shirt.
