Page 49 of Hollywood King
A tear spilled down her cheek, and she canted her face away from both of us, twisting her neck unnaturally to hide. She always hated crying in front of people. When she seemed to have more control over herself, she lay back again. “It’s not wrong, but I can’t handle it. I saw how much caring for me the last time took a toll on you. And how you treated me like brittle China afterward. Even when I was well again. This”—she spread her arms out gesturing to the bed and the room—“is how I want us to be. If you stopped…”
I waited for her to finish, but she didn’t press on. “Stopped what, Cathy? Loving you, wanting to be with you?”
“Yes. If you stopped wanting me. Pushing me, using me. Now that I know what I was missing, I’m not willing to go back.”
I understood some of how she felt. Once upon a time, I’d treated her gently, too gently, and it drove us apart for ten long years. But this time— “You are laying in my bed wearing a blood pressure cuff. There is a very uncomfortable doctor pacing around waiting for us to finish fighting. Isn’t that evidence enough? You, my beautiful oh-so-strong-Cat can handle anything. It’s your body that needs to rest right now.”
She shook her head side to side like she needed to convince herself more than me. “No, I’ve already lost…” A tear threaded around her nostrils, and she swiped it away with a jerk of her hand. “Medicine was the most important thing in my life. Something in me died when they took it away from me. If I lose you too…spending day after day slowly watching the lust and the war in your eyes recede, I’d lose whatever I’ve got left to survive for.”
I blinked and plopped onto the bed beside her. “You are really going to face this alone?”
She crossed her arms under her breasts, still not meeting my eyes. “I’m not alone, I have Eddy.”
And that, my friends, was curtain.
I numbly stood up, walked around the bed, out the door, down the hall, and into the kitchen. My sanctuary felt hollow in the wake of her choice.
My care meant nothing to her. She chose Eddy over me.
An hour ago, I thought I was dreaming with Cathy splayed out on my bed reaching for me. Now, my insides had been scooped out by a melon baller, inch by precious inch.
They talked low and quiet, I could only make out mumbles in hushed tones. There was no doubt he’d take care of her. It was his job. But he wouldn’t make her favorite soup when she felt particularly down. And he didn’t know how to rub her pressure points to help her relax.
I’d only just gotten my heart back. I liked the way it had felt snug and safe in my chest. And with a few angry words, it was shredded. With one of those industrial shredders, the kind the government uses to destroy classified information. There was no coming back from this.
I stared at the granite of my counter top in an attempt to focus, make a plan of attack, convince her to let me help her.
Eddy exited my room a few minutes later. “I’m going to help get her home and see that her med regime is in place before she…” He cut himself off.
“She what? Eddy man, help me out here. Give me something.”
He squeezed his lips together and braced his hands on the counter top to stare me down. “I did not fucking tell you this, but she is applying for an experimental treatment. The study looks very promising, but it’s grueling, and she hasn’t gotten approved or the money yet.”
The money.
The fucking money.
If I were an underhanded, sneaky bastard who would do anything to force her to stay, I’d keep it. Refuse to give it to her so she’d have to cave. I am a sneaky, underhanded bastard, but I wouldn’t jeopardize her chances by holding her funding hostage. Even if it kills me to watch her walk out the door.
“Take care of her. Please.”I would not cry in front of Edgar Linton. I would not fucking let a single tear fall. “Please.”
He nodded looking as uncomfortable as we both felt and went back to Cathy. They exited together a moment later, and I couldn’t speak around the baseball shoved in my trachea.
She paused when she caught sight of me. “Does it have to be all or nothing? We can still be together, I’m just saving you from the puking and the medications and the endless bedside vigils.”
“No, I won’t treat your body the way I did tonight while you’re ill. And it’s my privilege to hold your hair while you throw up and make sure you take all the right pills. It’s my god damned right to sit by your bedside and make sure you keep breathing until morning.” I tried to keep my voice even, but it broke on the end, and I had to tear my eyes from hers lest she see the sheen of tears threatening to spill over.
She nodded to me once and left with Eddy.
I’d lost her all over again.
