Page 39 of Make Me Forget
I rocked and let the hot water turn cold until my teeth chatter, and my fingers turned a littleblue.
See. Already happening. I couldn’t even care for myself properly. Out of sheer embarrassment of having a breakdown at his house, I pried myself off the cold tile and shut off the water. I wrapped a towel around my body and opened the door to find Murphy standingthere.
“Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you did I?” Of course he’d ask ifhehurtme.
I didn’t dare call him Saint Murphy now. Not while I was so close to crumbling to the floor. Instead of talking to him, I dressed quickly and flashed him the cheap smile I pulled out when I wanted men to leave me alone. “I gotta go. I’m supposed to meet that woman again, Martha.” Ilied.
He stood in his boxer briefs with this hands on his hips watching me make my way to the door. “Can I give you a ride home?” he asked. The hurt etched into his face pushed me out the doorfaster.
He didn’t sign up for this shit. He didn’t know what I held back inside me. The rage, the depression, anxiety, everything that could break a grown person into rubble androck.
I made it home and barely shoved into my hotel room before a sob broke loose. I tucked my knees up, my core tight and sore with each movement. It reminded me of him and what weshared.
The tears stopped after a while, and the room stopped tilting like a carnival ride, so I got up off the floor. I snagged a tissue out of the box on the table and wiped my face. No doubt I’d have mascara down to my chin bynow.
I tried to wipe what I could away and ended up staring down at the notebook Parker gave me. The one I hadn’t brought myself to use yet. I toed off my boots, sat in the chair at the desk, and opened the cover. A pen sat in the tray by the lamp, so I grabbed it and settled backin.
The notebook and I stared each other down. It asked me if I wanted to spill my secrets, and I asked it if it had more paper stuffed in the back for all myissues.
Obviously, I was losing my grip on reality if I considered a conversation with an inanimate object to bevalid.
I poised the pen on the page and thought about what made me feel safe. Only one word sprang tomind.
Murphy.
