Page 44 of One Shade of Gray
“That is amazing. Where did you learn to dothat?”
He smiled, a good smile, not a mask but not the showstopper either. “I told you I have experience with uncomfortable shoes. When I was a young man and a woman went off on her own, I’d help her, offer to rub her feet…one thing usually led toanother.”
“Women used to sleep with you for a foot massage. Wow. You must begood.”
He glided his thumb down the tendon on the bottom of my foot, and my entire leg shook in response. Welldamn.
“Watch it, Gray. We have to keep things civil until we figure itout.”
“What are we figuringout?”
To be honest, I had no idea. He and I never really talked about what we were or what we could be, only what we couldn’t be. I knew I cared about him. I wanted to see where things with him could go. Even after warnings from both Gray and my brother. I wanted to make the choice for my own life. Both of them trying to push me away only made me want what I couldn’t have evenmore.
I decided to go for the truth. “I have absolutely no clue what we need to figure out. But I do know there is somethinghere.”
He glanced over as he massaged the entire top portion of my foot in his two big hands. “I agree with that sentiment. We certainly do havesomething.”
I lifted my foot off his lap, and he held his hands up for me to switch out the massaged foot for the still achingone.
A moment of silence passed between us while he rubbed, and then he stopped and met my eyes. “If you know what your brother did, then you also know why he felt the need to do it. I agree with him. I’m going mad. And as much as I adore you, Isobel, I refuse to put you in anydanger.”
His declaration, while well intentioned, punched me in the neck. “And you and my brother are both under the impression that I am unable to take care of myself. I’m a grown woman, and if I want to be with a man, insane or not, I’ll do what I damn wellchoose.”
My outburst took him by surprise. His eyes flew open wide, and the hands that had resumed their ministrationsfroze.
“Sorry,” I grumbled. “I don’t like being bossed around, especially bymen.”
He nodded and started on my feet again. “Understandable. I apologize for presuming to know what is best for you. But I will say, I couldn’t live with myself if I hurtyou.”
I sat up and put my hand over one of his. “You’re too late. You leaving, despite it not being of your own free will, that hurt. And you did write that letter. All of that hurt. Then the silence while you brooded. That hurt aswell.”
He hung his head, a strand of his wavy hair falling forward down his forehead. “I’m sorry for that. I trulyam.”
I lay back down, if only to get some space between us. “What hurts me most of all is I can’t figure out why I care so much. By all accounts, we haven’t spent a ton of time together. But, whenever I’m with you, it feels like home. Like the home I had before my parents left us. I feel more than happy, more like content. I’m not ready to give that up. Even if that means I have divide my time between my house and the mental institution. Although I have no idea if France has mentalinstitutions.”
He chuckled for that one at least. “They do. Plus, money can pretty much buy anything to be deliveredanywhere.”
I threw my hands up. “There you go. You’re rich. Get one of those live-in doctors, except make him a psychologist or whatever. I can’t ever remember which ones can prescribe medication. Get one of those. I need a refill on myXanax.”
Anotherlaugh.
When he remained silent, I kept going. “Okay then, realistically what are your options? What should you do in thissituation?”
He cupped my heel and wiggled it in a way that shot sensation up to my kneecaps. “I should go to the science center where they will likely keep me for observationindefinitely.”
“That sounds ominous. Nothing like an American science lab taking prisoners to ruin arelationship.”
He continued the silence until it started to piss me off. I dragged my feet of his lap, sat up, and maneuvered the dress until I straddled his lap. He pressed back into the couch as if he were trying to put as much distance between us aspossible.
“You’re not getting off that easy, Gray. I know you have opinions about this, and feelings. Can you weigh in here? I’m trying to make an effort, and I think you’re trying to push me away.Again.”
He looked everywhere except at me. Instead of forcing it, I climbed off his lap, went into my bedroom, and slammed the door. I had to get rid of this damn dress. Once I got the zipper off the rest was simple enough. Standing in my underwear, which I’d chosen particularly to inspire worship, his refusal to budge hurt evenmore.
That man should have been on his knees with his face between my legs right now, and instead, he sat pouting. The consideration of it just didn’t feel right. I arranged my boobs in the black corset I wore, made sure the stockings were in place around my thighs, and threw open the door of my bedroom with the same determination with which I slammedit.
“DorianGray.”
His eyes snapped to mine in the doorway. Then he slowly let his gaze drop down my body in a line. Once he reached my feet, he met my eyes again and then glanced off somewhere beside myear.
