Page 37 of One Shade of Gray
“Uh huh, I’m sure that wasit.”
“Okay but really, are you alright? Is ‘busy’ code for classifiedor…”
“I actually can’t talk about it right now, Iz. But I’ll fill you in reallysoon.”
“How soon?” I whined. “I miss, you and I haven’t talked to you in what feels likedays.”
He laughed, that comforting magical warm laugh. “It’s been like forty-eight hours Iz, calmdown.”
I walked slowly toward my apartment and conceded. “Ok, fine. But I expect you to call me backsoon.”
“See you soon,Iz.”
He hung up, and I stopped to spend a moment frowning at my phone like it was to blame. No, it was me. I’d been in a mood since Gray left and then my brother wasn’t calling. Like everything conspired against me at once. Even the actors at the theater were trying to test my patience at every turn. Constantly complaining about rehearsing at the studio space instead of the theater. Like I could fix the flooding and moldissues.
Romeo had already threatened to quit twice, and Josephine… I massaged my temples at the thought of my ultra-diva. If Josephine didn’t stop throwing up after every meal, there wouldn’t be anything left of her to fit into the costume on opening night. I’d taken to trapping her in a scene after she ate on set so that she couldn’t get away to puke. It wasn’t the drama; it was that I didn’t know what to do to help her beat her illness. I’m a producer and so not equipped forthat.
As I walked home, I thought about Jake. He’d always seemed so solid in his choices. The military all the way, and then when he got into the Navy SEALs, it was the same level of joy as when I was asked to come to Paris to work with the theater. But I didn’t feel that same sense of commitment he did. Every night, I wondered if I was meant to be something else, do something else, go somewhereelse.
It was never about the job. I loved producing plays. And no matter how much work or drama went into creating a play, opening night always somehow fell together. Almost by divine ordinance. Once the crowd stands and cheers, tears often shining in some eyes, I’d get that overwhelming sense that the stage is where Ibelong.
But outside of that single shining victory, I often wondered why the hell I put myself through traveling around the globe, dealing with sick and insane actors, also the occasional billionaire or two. No one was ever like Gray though. Something about him felt different. More comfortable, like my brother, solid and certain in his convictions andcharacter.
I wanted that level of certainty in my life. Instead, I moved all over, dated men who didn’t call, friends who didn’t call…hell, no one ever called when they were supposedto.
A sense of melancholy lingered, and I could feel its dark grip trying to lull me in a deep funk. Usually, they lasted a couple days. I was not going to let Dorian Gray throw me into that mess.No.
I marched all the way home, thinking about donuts, fresh coffee, and Dorian’s mouth on my neck. It was sad to think about him being gone, but the time we shared had been lovely. No doubts aboutthat.
I made it to my apartment and focused only on the good things. Coffee came first. I dropped my bag on the countertop and shuffled around the kitchen to brew a cup. In the mood for something bitter, I found my dark roast and started the hotwater.
At least I could do coffeeright.
My phone vibrated inside my bag, and I snatched it out of the opening before it could tumble out on the granite. Another unknowncaller.
“Jake?” Ianswered.
“I told you I’d talk to yousoon.”
“You’re such an idiot. You could have just told me you would call me back in aminute.”
I hopped up on the counter and swung my legs to knock my heels against the cabinet. “So, tell me what’s been going on. Why haven’t you been able tocall?”
“Well, I can’t tell you everything, but I can tell you that I’ve been traveling. That’s why I wasn’t able to call you back before. I’m actually in another countrynow.”
“Yeah? Whichone?”
Static and shuffling came through. “Jake?”
“Iz, you know I can’t tell you anything thatspecific.”
“I know, just testing your commitment to our national security, ofcourse.”
He laughed. Oh I missed hearing that laugh in person. “When will you get to take leave? Maybe you can come visit, and we can go to the wine country or to thebeach.”
“Which beach do you want to goto?”
I shrugged even though he couldn’t see me. “I don’t know, but I’m sure between our super smart selves we can find one far enough away. Hell, we can take a train to Italy, where I know there’s at least a thousand miles between here andus.”
