Page 97 of Safe Space
“When’s the last time you said you spoke to your ex?”
My head jutted backward, completely thrown by the question. “What? Who?”
“Your ex. When’s the last time you spoke with him?”
I was completely confused. These questions were out of nowhere. “I told you, it’s been years since I spoke to him. Why?”
He nodded and peered down at his phone before turning his eyes on me again. “Right. That’s what you told me, all right. So why the fuck am I looking at a picture from a month ago, of you sitting across from your ex, eating with him?” He turned the face of his phone to me, and sure enough, there I was, sitting at the bistro by my job with Ethan. It had been taken the day we’d met up, when he’d apologized. The only time in the last five years I’d seen Ethan.
“This picture is from a month-and-a-half ago. I remember that exact outfit you wore because it was the same day you came over in the middle of the day. You remember?” His voice was as hard as his expression. “You came by, saying you missed me because I’d been out of town on business for a few days. We fucked in my office at home. Right after you had lunch with your ex-fiancé.”
I swallowed remembering that day vividly. I had gone to see Xavier after leaving my lunch with Ethan. I’d felt relief that I hadn’t felt in a while after that lunch and Xavier’s face was the first one I wanted to see. We did have sex in his office. But it wasn’t like he was making it seem. I hadn’t gone on a date with Ethan.
“It wasn’t—”
“Right, and why did you break up with him in the first place?”
Another lump in my throat formed, and I couldn’t do anything but stand there. I didn’t want to answer. Shame was why. How could I explain to this man that I was too embarrassed and ashamed of my past? Too ashamed of the woman I’d become with Ethan. A woman who cowered in fear and covered bruises with makeup, plastering a fake smile on my face just to make it through the day. I hated that woman and never wanted Xavier, or anyone else in my life, to know anything about her.
“You told me it was because he wanted you to be a stay-at-home wife.” His grip tightened around his phone. “But this fucking article and picture say some other shit.”
I began shaking my head, already knowing without seeing what the article he was reading would say.
“Leaked police records show that one Chanel Combs filed charges against her fiancé, Ethan Miller, accusing him of assault and battery,” he read from the screen. “A forehead contusion, bloodied lip, bruised ribs and sprained wrist were amongst the injuries listed…” Each word he read twisted the knife deeper into my gut.
“Stop,” I whispered.
“Charges were eventually dropped, and the couple went on to reconcile, but less than a year later, Ms. Combs reportedly left Miller. However, these pictures don’t lie…” he pressed on.
“Stop!” I said more forcefully.
“Stop what? Reading the goddamn truth? A truth you lied to me about? Or what? Stop staring at this fucking picture of you looking like this?” He thrust his phone in my face, and I gasped. The screen was now a picture of me that had been taken at the hospital that horrible night. Ethan had gone on a rampage, accusing me of sleeping with one of his co-workers who’d gotten drunk and flirted a little too heavily at their work event. I’d been scared out of my mind and had called the police. The one and only time I’d gone that far.
I turned my head, unable to look at myself looking like that.
“You lied to me.” A thread of betrayal ran through Xavier’s voice, and it pierced my soul. “Numerous times. You lied about why you left him. You lied about seeing him. And you lied about how you know what domestic abuse is all about. And you knew about the danger you were putting yourself in...when you were going out to save your clients. Youknewwhat that motherfucker was capable of because you experienced it. And you still did it,” he said, through gritted teeth, and I felt like the bottom of my world dropped out from underneath me.
“X…Xavier.” My voice trembled. I was at a loss for words as to how to salvage this. Ihadlied, but it wasn’t to be deceptive. It wasn’t because I wanted to protect Ethan or still had feelings for him.
“Where’re you going?” I questioned as he pushed past me. It was then that I’d finally realized he was fully dressed, down to his shoes. I tugged on the sleeve of his shirt, but he swatted my hand away like I was no more than a gnat.
“I’m out,” he answered with a finality in his tone that scared me more than anything.
“Wait,” I began, but stopped when he turned abruptly.
“Wait? For what? For you to explain why I had to see the woman I spend most of my days thinking about and nights next to is meeting up with a man who didthisto her?”He tapped his cell phone with his other hand, indicating the image of my bruised face.
I couldn’t answer him. I was too ashamed of the woman in that photo. I didn’t know why I put myself in danger with my clients. I didn’t have the words to fix this. My gaze skirted around the room, avoiding his accusing stare. I wanted to apologize, but anI’m sorrydidn’t seem to be enough. I knew those two words weren’t the balm this situation needed. I felt too vulnerable. My ugliest secret had just been exposed for the world to see, and the one man I wanted to hold me looked as if he couldn’t stand the sight of me.
“I can’t stand around and be with someone who continuously puts themselves in harm’s way like that. I can’t sit back and watch you make these reckless decisions and me not do anything about it. I’m not built like that.” He gave me one last look before turning and walking out the door, slamming it shut behind him.
That was when I let the first tear fall. I wanted to call to him, beg him to come back, and tell him the truth. The whole truth.
I’m falling in love with you too.
TO BE CONTINUED…
