Page 120 of Slap Shot Surprise
“He got the hiccups while we were there!”
I laughed. “He’s got some of his mom in him.”
“Right?” She laughed too, and it made my chest hurt.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Positive. How are you?”
“Fine,” I said.
“How’s the shoulder?”
“Not great, but I’m icing it and resting it when I can. Doing PT a few days a week.”
“Be careful. I know you must be down about the last few losses, but I worry about you playing too hard.”
“You don’t have to worry about me. Just take care of yourself.”
“I am.” She paused. “I should go. Austin and Xander are here to help me move the furniture out of the office so we can get it painted.”
“Okay.” My gut wrenched—Iwanted to be the one helping her move furniture and paint the baby’s room. “Let me know how it goes.”
“I will. Good luck tomorrow night.” She hadn’t said anything about watching the game or wearing my number or cheering me on, and it dragged me down even deeper into the funk.
“Hey, Tessier, can I ask you something?” I turned to my captain, and he nodded.
“Shoot.”
“Do you ever think about what you’ll do after this?”
“Sure. All the time. I’m fucking thirty-five years old. And some days my body tells me I’m twice that.”
“I get it. So what will you do?”
“My contract is up next year. At that point, I’ll probably just move back to Canada and buy some land. Watch my kids grow up in the country. That’s what my wife wants.” He shrugged. “We’ve been down here for eight years, in Boston before that, and she misses her family. She wants the kids to have some good years with their grandparents.”
It surprised me. I thought for sure he’d look for a job in management or coaching. “Aren’t you worried you’ll miss it?”
“I’ll miss parts of it, sure. But not all of it. And it’s not just about me.”
“Maybe that’s my problem,” I muttered before tipping the bottle up again. My entire life, everything had been about me. My family took vacations around my hockey schedule. My parents spent countless hours driving me to tournaments in places like Saskatchewan and Manitoba. My professors gave me extended time on assignments and tests because a winning team was good for the school. I’d never had to put anyone else’s needs before my own.
“What’s that?” Tessier leaned a little closer to me. “Didn’t hear you.”
“Nothing,” I said. “I guess I’m just having some doubt that I’m as good a man as my dad and brothers are.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m kind of a selfish prick off the ice. I’ve always known it, and I used to just laugh it off. But I can’t do that anymore.”
“Nope. You can’t.”
“I don’t even want to.” I spun the beer bottle around inmy hand, its bottom leaving wet rings on the wooden bar. “But I don’t know any other way to be. I’ve never wanted to be anyone but the old me. And suddenly I’ve got these fucking complicated feelings that are tearing me apart.”
“Feelings about the baby?”
“No. Those feelings are simple. These are about the girl.” I closed my eyes, and she was in my head—her laugh, her dimple, her yellow cupcake scent. “Mabel.”
