Page 126 of Slap Shot Surprise
It was time to take the shot.
TWENTY-FOUR
mabel
After my alarm went off,I stayed snuggled under the covers for a few extra minutes, Cleo curled up at my side.
I thought of Joe on Sunday mornings like this. I would imagine what it would be like to scoot over and press up against the warm, hard length of his body. To feel the shelter of his arm come around me. To lay my cheek against his chest and inhale the woodsy, masculine scent of him.
But maybe it wouldn’t be like that. Maybe the two nights I’d spent with him were not indicative of how things would be. Maybe, like he said, he was only a special-occasion cuddler, and if I tried to tuck myself along his side, he’d push me away or roll in the other direction.
In my fantasies, though, he always pulled me closer. He was the protective guy who held my hand on the airplane. The romantic guy who kissed me in the rain. The possessive guy who got in someone’s face and said,You best keep your hands off the mother of my son.
I missed that guy.
Since I’d asked him for space, I sensed a reservebetween us, neither of us quite sure how to act. For so many months, the intimacy between us had been allowed to grow and flourish. It had felt like a dance as we’d circled around each another, then joined hands, and finally held each other close as we spun around the floor.
Now it was like we were walking on broken glass, each of us unsure where to put a foot.
The distance was what I’d asked for, but I missed the easy way it used to be. I missed feeling free to text him whenever I felt like it. I missed chatting with him nightly about what the baby was doing and how I was feeling. I missed that flutter in my heart when he’d say something a little suggestive or pay me a compliment or call me his cupcake.
Had I let my anxiety have too much sway? Was safe really better than sorry? Would I regret not throwing caution to the wind and taking a chance on this man I loved? Maybe he wasn’t perfect, but damn, he tried hard. And he was good to me.
I could spend hours second-guessing myself this way.
I miss you, he’d said the other day. I’d seen the expression on his face as he said it, and it was tortured. That was how I’d described it to Ari when I told her about the FaceTime call, which might have been a mistake because she said, “Good. He deserves torture.”
But I didn’t want him to hurt. I loved him.
Not just because he was the father of the child I carried, but for the man he was. The good in his soul. The gold in his heart.
And I couldn’t stop hoping he’d wake up one morning and choose me to share it with.
“Am I a fool, Nicky?” I asked, running my hands over my belly. “To keep on hoping this way?”
The baby was silent on the matter.
“Okay, fine. Be that way. It’s time to get up anyway.” Sighing, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and got up to head for the bathroom. “Your uncle Austin is bringing the crib over this morning, and—” Suddenly my vision went blurry. I backed up immediately and sat on the bed again. Something was not right. There was a ringing sound in my ears. As I groped for my phone, I broke out in a cold sweat.
I dialed Austin.
“Hello?”
“Hey, can you come a little early?”
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m not sure. I feel strange.”
“I’m calling 9-1-1.”
“No, don’t!” I blinked a few times. “I think I just got light-headed getting out of bed. I’ll be okay. Maybe I just need to eat.”
“Stay where you are. I’ll be there in ten minutes. Don’t move, Mabel. I have a key.”
“Okay.”
But as soon as we hung up, I realized I had to go to the bathroom. My bladder was not going to last ten minutes. I looked at my bedroom doorway. It was just a few feet from there to the bathroom. I could make it.
