Page 118 of Slap Shot Surprise
“Fromwho?”
“Joe.” In the cold winter air, I felt the heat in my cheeks.
Ari’s jaw fell open. “He bought you acar? Are you kidding me? I was aghast about the Louboutins, but this is next level!”
“Well, it’s more about the baby,” I said, entering her house. “He knew my car was old and wanted me to have something newer and safer, something easy to get a car seat in and out of.”
“Jesus, Mabel.” Ari shifted Truman in her arms and shut the door. “What is going on with you guys?”
“Nothing,” I said, hanging my jacket in the hall closet. “Well, now it’s nothing. Christmas Day, it was something. Actually, it was everything.” Sighing, I followed her into the kitchen and plunked down at the kitchen table. Her house smelled delicious, as usual. Like roasted chicken.
“Ha! I knew something would happen Christmas Day!” She set Truman in the baby swing and peeked in the oven. “Did you sneak into his childhood bedroom?”
“No, he stayed the night at my house after driving me back. He wouldn’t let me drive myself that day because it was snowing.”
“You know, he is suspiciously protective of you,” Ari said, pulling a huge cast iron skillet from the oven. “It’s almost like he’s in love or something.”
I shook my head. “He is not in love with me. If he was, he wouldn’t have let me push him away yesterday morning.”
“What do you mean?” Setting the skillet on the stove top, Ari turned around and faced me. “Why’d you do that?”
“I felt like I had to.” I played with the edge of a place mat. “I was getting too invested in him. Inus.” I swallowed hard against the lump trying to form. “I think I’m in love with him. Actually, I know I am.”
“Oh Mabel.”
I dropped my head into my hands. “God, I feel like I’ve done nothing but cry for twenty-four hours. In bed. In the shower. Facedown on the couch. Have you ever cried on the toilet? I assure you, there is nothing that makes you feel more pathetic.”
“Poor baby.” She came and sat down next to me, rubbing my arm. “Tell me what happened.”
“I just basically told him I caught feelings I didn’t intend to catch, and I was scared of getting hurt. But I assured him that I wasn’t going back on my word.”
“What word?”
“Not to make any demands on him. Not to ask him to change or prioritize me over hockey.”
“But it’s not like he’d have to give up hockey,” Ari argued. “Why can’t you give the relationship a chance inside the existing parameters of his life? You could move to Chicago.”
“He didn’t ask me to. He’s never asked me to.”
“Well, he’s dumb.”
I almost smiled. “He’s not dumb. He’s careful. He doesn’t want to say something he doesn’t mean.”
She sat back, folding her arms. “I can’t help it if I think he’s dumb for not realizing he’ll be sorry if he lets you get away. I’m not saying you have to get married tomorrow, but he obviously loves you. Why not say it?”
“I don’t know, Ari.” I jumped up from the chair and went over to the sink to look out at the snow-covered yard. “It’s not like I can ask him.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m too afraid. What if the answer isn’t what I want it to be? Maybe that makes me a coward, but I can’t help it if I feel it’s better to be safe than sorry.” I took a deep breath. “At least this way, I’m safe.”
Ari said nothing, but she got off her chair and came over to the window. Standing next to me, she tipped her head onto my shoulder. “I get it,” she said softly. “And I’m sorry if I upset you. I want you to feel safe.”
“I know you do.”
“But I want you to be happy too, and sometimes you have to risk a little safety to get there.”
“If it were only about me, maybe I would have. Maybe I’d have put my feelings out there and asked him to give us a fighting chance. And if he’d turned me down, I’d forget him and move on. I’d never have to see him again and be reminded of the hurt. But I have the baby to think about, Ari. I can’t just forget Joe exists. He’ll be in my life forever.”
