Page 95 of Tempt
“I don’t even know.” I shook my head. “It makes no sense. She’s too young for me. She’s my son’s ex. Every time we meet up, she has to lie to her family about what she’s doing. And when I go visit Mason and Lori at Christmas, we won’t even be able to see each other. If we do, we’ll have to pretend there’s nothing between us—and I’m not sure we’ll be convincing.”
“Barrett, this is fucked up.” Jackson pinned me with a stare.
“I know,” I said irritably. “That’s why we’re going to end it.”
“When?”
“In Chicago.”
He cocked his head. “So what is that, like your final hurrah?”
Another shrug.
“And she’s on board with that plan?”
“She will be when we discuss it,” I said carefully.
“And what happens if she isn’t?”
Unable to sit still anymore, I jumped up and started to pace. “She agrees this is wrong, Jackson. She hates the lying as much as I do.”
“So come clean about it.”
“We can’t. Not only will Mason despise us both for lying, but she really doesn’t want to be known in her small town as the woman dating her ex’s dad—who’s also about to be a grandpa. Fuck.” I stopped pacing and chugged some beer. “I thought this was just a temporary thing, you know? I thought maybe I was just panicking about getting old. About never feeling young again.”
“It does have a whiff of midlife crisis about it,” Jackson agreed.
I’d have laughed if I wasn’t so distraught. “She deserves better, Jackson.”
He studied me silently. “You really care about this girl.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I insisted. “If things were different, if I were ten years younger...who knows? But things are what they are, and I’m forty-fucking-seven and sterile.” I shuddered at the sound of the word.
“How old is she?”
“Thirty-two.”
“Oh. So she’s notthatyoung.”
“No. She’s looking for a guy who wants to get married and have kids. That’s not me. I never wanted to get married in the first place, I was crap at it, and having kids is impossible anyway.”
Jackson nodded. “She knows that, right?”
“She knows about the vasectomy, yes. I’m not leading her on. I wouldn’t do that.”
“I believe you.”
I sank onto the couch again, defeated. “But I’m not an idiot. I know this can’t continue. I’m wasting her time. I’m being selfish.”
Jackson was quiet for a moment. “Even beyond that, I don’t think you should be lying to your son. If you’re truly going to build a relationship with him based on mutual trust and respect, this is not the way to start.”
“I know.” It was nothing I hadn’t said to myself a thousand times.
“You know secrets like that don’t stay secret, Zach. Not in a small town. If you continue to see her, Masonwillfind out. You’ll be the long-lost father who slept with his ex and then tried to cover it up. Not really going to win you many points in the dad department.”
“I never wanted to be a dad,” I said angrily, as if it mattered.
“And I never wanted to babysit a bunch of ex-Navy SEALs, but here we are. I’ve been where you are, man. I’ve kept things hidden because I thought it was the right choice. I thought I was protecting people I cared about, so I know better than anyone—it’s a road that leads to a very steep cliff. Either come clean, or break it off.”
