Page 21 of Rodeo (Marked Skulls MC 2)
I knew these letters inside-out now. I had spent all this time in Fred’s apartment reading and re-reading them. I handed one to her, and Jordan snatched it from me like she was afraid that it would escape from her hand.
I watched her as she scanned the writing and then she looked up at me with an intense and horrified stare.
“This is my mom’s handwriting,” she said and flipped over the page. I knew that she was looking for the name at the bottom of the letter. I knew that it would say Sarah Avery.
“I know. She wrote it to Fred. That’s your proof, Jordan. That is proof that Fred was your father,” I told her.
***
Fred,
I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to reply to your letters before, I just didn’t have the courage to do it. I didn’t want to go down that road of talking to you again because I knew it would make me sad. It makes me sad everyday, it makes me sad to think that we are leading such separate lives. That you have never, and will never see your daughter. You’ve made your decision already, and even though you insist that it’s for our sake—I can’t get over it.
We were in love! We were supposed to raise our baby together, we were supposed to be a family. And I can’t believe that you were able to give all that up just because you’re afraid of a gang of thugs. I’m sorry but I can’t forgive you for that.
I didn’t plan on being a single mother, Fred, and I have no idea if I’m doing a good job. It’s been tough, I’m still struggling to make ends meet and trying to make sure that my daughter has the best life she can possibly have.
Sometimes I wish that you and I never met, so that you wouldn’t have the chance to break my heart.
I don’t know what else to say to you, other than that I still miss you and that I still think of you. Can’t we run away together somewhere far from here?
I apologize in advance if I don’t have the courage to respond to any of your future letters. Just know that I will always think of you.
Love,
Sarah
P.S. Our daughter’s name is Jordan. Jordan Avery.
I had already read that letter several times to know each word. I watched Jordan reading it now, her eyes flitting across the page as she read it a second time.
I could see her eyes beginning to water, she was gulping profusely; trying to stop the tears from choking her. When she looked up at me, her brown eyes were large and watery.
“So, are you saying that the fact he got shot right outside my apartment building, was pure coincidence?” she asked, and her hand shook as she gripped the letter in her hand.
I took a step towards her. I didn’t mean to upset her, I just thought that she deserved to know the truth.
“No, he was going to see you,” I replied. There were a few moments of complete silence while Jordan allowed the words to sink into her brain.
“He was coming to see me? How do you know this?” she asked in a squeaky voice.
“I found notes in his desk, he was looking up your address and trying to track you down,” I said and she shook her head.
“Why would he come to see me at five in the morning? None of this makes any sense!” she cried and collapsed back down on the couch again.
I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my jeans and stood over her. I didn’t want to explain this bit to her. I could sense how difficult this was for her already. The thought that she had watched her father being shot! That she had seen his dead body right in front of her home. That she never got to know her father at all.
“Fred knew that he was getting closer and closer to being killed by the Hell’s Drifters. They’d threatened him, like he’d received serious threats from them, and he didn’t want them following him to your home. He probably figured that early in the morning would be the best possible time,” I said and sat down beside her on the couch.
A fat tear rolled down Jordan’s cheek, and she didn’t even bother wiping it. She didn’t care anymore if I saw her crying.
“Was he coming to see me because he knew that his life was in danger? Because he thought he could die any time and he didn’t want to lose that opportunity?” she asked. She was glaring at me with her wide bloodshot eyes and I didn’t know what to say to her.
“Is that it? Was that his last wish before he died? To come and see me?” she repeated, and her voice became shriller and more high-pitched. I couldn’t do anything but stare at her in her silence.
Jordan broke down, covering her face with her hands. Her body shook as she sobbed and I threw my arms around her and pulled her to my chest. I was stroking her head, trying to make sure that she was warm enough, comfortable enough…
“I’m sorry, Jordan. I’m sorry that you had to find out this way,” I whispered.
“Somehow, I was content knowing that I still had my father—alive somewhere out there. That I had at least one parent. Now, I have no family. I don’t have the hope of finding my father and getting to know him. I have nobody!” Jordan sobbed, with her face pressed into my chest. Her voice was muffled, and I continued stroking her hair. I wanted to tell her that she had me, that I had no plans of abandoning her.
She was Fred’s daughter! She was his legacy and I couldn’t believe that I had found her. There was no way that I would let anything happen to her. I was falling for her already, and now, after I’d found out the truth about Fred—I worshipped her even more.
I cradled Jordan in my arms and she clung to me. Neither of us wanted to let go.
She looked up at me, and her cheeks were streaked with tears. She sniffed loudly and tried to compose herself a little before she spoke again.
“Tell me about my father, Rodeo. I want to know more about him,” she whispered and I reached out to stroke her cheeks with my thumbs. I nodded my head. Of course she deserved to know.
***
I’d been telling Jordan stories about Fred, and finally she had started laughing. She had stopped sobbing and she was listening to the stories intently.
“We should have probably stayed and helped them pick up all the boxes from the floor, but we just ran. We were too drunk to know what was going on,” I continued with the story and Jordan covered her mouth as she laughed. She was genuinely enjoying herself.
We’d been sitting on the couch and talking, and she looked down at her lap with a smile on her face. I tried to tell her as many funny stories about Fred that I could remember. Since she hadn’t known him at all, I wanted her to know the good stuff.
“He sounds like a funny man,” she said finally and I nodded my head.
“He was a good man too,” I added and she nodded her head.
“I sense that, from the way you all speak about him. I know Lila and Lewis were close to him too,” she said.
“He was a calm and composed person. It was very easy to talk to him. He always had time for us, and he was one of those people who genuinely cared,” I continued and there was a watery twinkle in Jordan’s eye.
“From the way that Lila talks about him, I can tell that he would have been a g
ood father to me if only he’d got the chance,” she declared and I reached out and placed a hand on her knee.
“He would have been an amazing father. He was to us,” I said and our eyes met.
“I didn’t even realize that I was watching my father being shot. That he died right in front of my eyes,” she continued and I gulped.
“It’s probably better that way. Maybe that moment would have been a lot more painful for you if you’d known who he was,” I told her and Jordan nodded her head.
“Do you think the Hell’s Drifters know who I am?” she asked and I shook my head.
“No, if they did; they would have come after you a lot sooner. No, I think to them, you are just a witness who could get them in trouble with the cops because you saw the shooting,” I said and she licked her lips nervously and took in a deep breath.
“I don’t even want to imagine what was going through his head. He saw me at this window, now I understand why he looked so directly and confidently at me. I can still see him,” she said and her body jolted.
“That will be my last…my only memory of him,” she added in a quiet ghostly voice. I squeezed her knee and she came closer to me.
“Thank you for telling me, Rodeo,” she whispered.
Jordan was sitting on the couch in front of me, crouched on her knees with her legs underneath her. Our eyes were locked and my gaze dropped down to her heaving breasts.
It was weird for me that I’d had sex with Fred’s daughter. That I’d seen her naked and been inside her. I had no idea what Fred’s reaction would have been to that if he knew, if he was still here.
Jordan reached out her hand and sunk her fingers into my beard. She was trying to make sure that I didn’t look away from her.
“Does this change anything between us?” she asked abruptly, and for the first time in my life—I was feeling tongue-tied. I clenched my jaws and tried to think of what I could possibly respond with.
