Page 19 of Rodeo (Marked Skulls MC 2)
I know I haven’t sent you a letter in a long time, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t written any. I keep writing these letters and then decide not to send them. I don’t want to disrupt your life, I know I’ve hurt you and how much it hurts you now to receive one of these. Maybe I won’t send this one either.
How is our little baby girl? You might not think that this is true, but I would literally give anything to just see you and our daughter, just once, just for a little while. But I know I can’t, and it is all my fault.
I wish that I never got involved with the Hell’s Drifters. I wish I didn’t owe them money, but even if I paid everything back to them—which I know I will in a few years, my life and your life will always be in danger. They will never stop wanting more, they are fucking greedy sons of bitches.
See, this is why I can never send these letters to you. I’m pretty sure that you don’t want to open one of these up and see it filled up with curses and my sob story.
I hope you’re trying to lead a normal life, that our little baby is having as normal a life as possible. That is all I want for her and you, and I wish that you would let me help.
I’m sorry Sarah, that I got you involved in this. I shouldn’t have ever led you on, I shouldn’t have pretended that I could have a normal life with you. I never could, I never will because I will always be running away from them. I will always be looking over my shoulder.
I hope you understand why I had to give you up. It was for your safety, and for the safety of our little girl. If I allowed the Hell’s Drifters to ever find out that I have a family, that I have people who I love more than life itself—they would use you as leverage against me. They would hurt you. I did this to keep you safe. I want you both to have a happy and wholesome life and the only way you can do that is without me in your lives.
One day maybe, I will be able to see her in person when she’s grown up. Maybe by then I would have got these motherfuckers off my back. I’ll be waiting for that day, Sarah, when I can pull you into my arms again and tell our daughter how beautiful she is.
I don’t think I’ll post this letter after all. I don’t want you to cry.
With Love,
Fred
I was breathing hard as I re-read the letter again. The words were getting jumbled up in my head, my vision was blurring. None of this was making sense. Fred owed them money? The Hells Drifter’s were after him?
The letter was dated twenty-three years ago. Fred was involved with the Hells Drifter’s for over two decades? For longer?
I sifted through all the letters in my hands, and I decided that I had no other choice but to read all of them. Fred had secrets, I couldn’t believe that he had never confided in me!
Chapter 16
Jordan
I made Lila a cup of coffee. Girth was sitting on my couch in the living room and watching TV. It was nice having the two of them in my apartment while Rodeo was away. I couldn’t have been more grateful to him for arranging this for me.
“I know how this feels right now, Jordan. I went through the same thing. I know it feels like you can never have your life back,” Lila was trying to console me.
We’d been standing in my kitchen and talking for a long time. I realized that I could really talk to her, like we had instantly connected.
“I don’t know if it is much of a life to go back to, but I’ve been trying to sort out my life—get it back on track,” I told her and Lila was nodding her head.
“But I know Rodeo, and I know that he’s trying his best to solve this,” she said and I pursed my lips together because I didn’t want to cry.
I had just finished telling her what had happened the previous night at the diner, and she was shocked and horrified by it.
“I do trust Rodeo, I just can’t be sure if my life will ever be the same again,” I said and Lila reached out to clasp my hand in hers and she gave it a squeeze.
“I know that’s how it feels right now, but trust me, things will get better,” she told me.
Lila had been telling me about how her life was under attack from a different MC called the Dark Legion. They had taken shots at her and nearly killed her, till Girth was appointed to protect her. He had rescued her from a kidnapping plot and they had been together since then.
“How did you get over it?” I asked Lila and she sighed.
“I guess for the first few days, I didn’t feel safe at all, but Girth made it better. He was patient and kind with me and I realized that I couldn’t let the past control my future,” she explained. I was nodding my head, I was trying to grapple with her advice, but I was finding it very difficult to fully understand it. The threat was still very real for me.
“Do you and Rodeo…” she began and I snapped my head up to look at her and she blushed.
“I don’t mean to pry, I’m sorry”
“No, you’re not prying. I just don’t know what’s going on between us”
“It’s just that in all the years that I’ve known Rodeo, I have never seen him with a woman, not like this. He seems like he truly cares about you,” Lila said. I was the one blushing now. I bit down on my lip and tried not to smile. This was the first chance I was getting to discuss Rodeo with someone else, and there were a lot of things that I wanted to say.
“I’m not sure what he wants. To be perfectly honest; I’m not sure what I want either. We haven’t really talked about anything seriously. For now, all I know is that he feels a certain sense of responsibility towards me. Maybe because he broke down my door,” I said and Lila arched her eyebrows.
“Well, he fixed your door. I would think that his job was done. But he’s still sticking around. He turned up at your diner last night!” Lila exclaimed and we both smiled at each other. I knew she was making sense, but I wasn’t sure how to explain what I was feeling.
I shrugged my shoulders and sighed.
“I just…I don’t know if Rodeo is the kind of man who is willing to give in to an actual relationship. To be fair to him, we don’t really know each other very well. We don’t even know each other for all that long!” I retorted and Lila nodded her head, but looked unconvinced.
“But sometimes these things happen and there is no explanation for it. That’s what I thought about Girth too…that he wasn’t the type of guy to be interested in anything serious. I mean, there was an obvious sexual attraction…” Lila said, and I was blushing again.
“I didn’t mean to embarrass you!” she exclaimed and we were smiling at each other again. Was it that obvious that Rodeo and I were sleeping together?
“I think it’s too early to tell if there is a future to think about right now. I don’t want to get ahead of myself,” I said, and forced myself to laugh nervously.
Lila smiled at me, but she had a knowing look on her face. As though she knew something that I didn’t.
“Yeah, I guess you shouldn’t. All I know is that I have never seen Rodeo behave like this before—to think about someone else so selflessly. And I also know that he would be a very lucky man to have y
ou. If you do decide to take him,” she said.
I couldn’t help but blush. It meant something to hear this coming from Lila, who I could sense was very close to Rodeo.
I had noticed a change in him since the incident at the diner. It almost seemed like he was more willing to give in to the possibility of us being together seriously, but like I told Lila; I didn’t want to get ahead of myself. I didn’t know how I felt either, and this situation seemed like the worst time to make an important decision.
Lila and I continued standing in the kitchen and talking. I managed to quickly change the subject from Rodeo to something else because I didn’t want to keep thinking about him anymore. I had decided to just let fate take its course.
***
Rodeo returned to my apartment an hour later. Lila and I were still in the kitchen when Girth opened the door for him.
“Did you find anything?” I heard Girth ask him, as Lila and I joined them in the living room.
“Find anything where?” Lila asked, but Rodeo just stared at her like she’d asked him a ridiculous question.
“Rodeo?” Lila urged, snapping him out of his daze. I could sense that he was in some sort of shock. Wherever he had been, and whatever he had seen—had clearly taken him by surprise.
“I went to Fred’s apartment,” he finally replied.
“And?” Lila asked, narrowing her eyes at him.
We could all sense that he’d found something. Rodeo shook his head.
“He was involved with the Hell’s Drifters, several years ago, he owed them money,” Rodeo said. Lila’s reaction was to clasp her hands over her mouth. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I could sense that whatever it was, wasn’t very good.
“What do you mean he owed them money?” Girth tried to clarify and Rodeo took in a deep breath and shook his head.
