Page 80 of On the Slopes of Tahoe
Turns out I lied to Jamie when I promised I would protect my heart, because standing here, I wish I could ask Breck to stay. But I know I can’t. I want to go to him, hold him, buthis expression is unreadable. I don’t know if the comfort of my touch, my body even, is what he wants or needs right now.
I know it’s what I want.
“Come here.” His voice is rough, and I take up the spot next to him, letting our shoulders brush.
Why is it so right being near him?
“Rory, look at me,” he insists, shifting his body so he leans on one arm to face me. He pushes my hair, which I was using as a shield, behind my ear. His fingers find my chin and force my eyes to his. I don’t know what he sees there, but I imagine they broadcast my swirling emotions.
He opens his mouth, but afraid of what he might say, I lean forward and press my lips to his. Avoiding this conversation doesn’t help anything. It will happen eventually, but I don’t want it to be right now. I don’t think he does either.
I break the kiss first, my breathing ragged. There’s a sound from upstairs that draws both our attention.
“Is she okay? I could go talk to her,” I offer, wondering if talking to someone besides her dad could help, but I don’t want to overstep. I’ve grown to love her over these past few months, but I know I’m not her mother. It’s going to hurt to be separated from her just as much as from Breck.
“She’ll come down when she’s ready. I think she just needs a little time.” He shrugs. “Why don’t you go and get changed out of your wet clothes. I’ll get started on dinner.”
Thirty minutes and a hot shower later, I walk out of my room to music and the smell of sauce and dough and cheese. Willow grabs my hand the second I round the corner from the hall.
“We made homemade pizzas, and I made yours in the shape of a heart again.” She’s less solemn than earlier, her voice back to her normal octave. “You know, because I love you.”
It should feel amazing to hear those words from someone who I know means them, but my stomach hollows out.
“I love you too, Willow,” I say, pulling her hand until she’s in my arms and I can hug her tight. I will my eyes to hold back the tears threatening to spill out for how unfair it is that Sydney stole my brother and now it gets to have Breck and Willow too.
I’ll be left here. Alone. Again.
“What’s going on here?” Breck’s joy-filled voice comes from behind us. I let Willow go and she saunters over to the fridge.
“Nothing. Just talking about dinner,” I say, attempting to control the quiver in my voice. “I hear it’s pizza night.”
“It is, indeed.” Breck comes up next to me, hair wet and smelling of fresh snow and spice, making me wonder what soap he uses. “You want a glass of wine?”
“Sure.”
“Okay. Go take a load off and I’ll bring you one, yeah?”
“Yeah, sounds good.”
Willow snuggles into my side on the sofa and I rest my head on hers. For a minute, I let myself imagine I could have a life that looks like this. A life where I have a man in the kitchen making me dinner and a daughter who’s excited to cuddle up and tell me about her day.
“Hey.” Breck’s voice is quiet, and when I open my eyes, he’s standing over me. He holds out a glass and I take it, our fingertips brushing.
“Thanks.”
“Dinner’s ready too.”
Willow jumps up and pulls me toward the table. There’s a heart-shaped pizza withRORYwritten in pepperonis. It may not be my preferred Mediterranean one, but this one is even better.
Willow is back to her normal, happy-go-lucky self as we eat dinner. I don’t know if Breck talked to her since she shut herself in her room earlier, but I’m glad to see her smiling again.
“Willow Bear, go brush your teeth. Call down when you’re in bed and I’ll come say good night,” Breck says once the counters are back to sparkling and the leftovers are put away.
“Thanks for dinner,” I say through a yawn.
Breck smiles. “Willow wanted to do something special for you and it’s the only thing she knows how to make.”
Everything inside me warms and I stand in silence, watching him, soaking in the moment and all the things it’s making me feel.
