Page 40 of On the Slopes of Tahoe
“I’m sorry, Rory. It wasn’t about you. I know that sounds cliché, but it really wasn’t. If it helps, Willow and I both really missed having you around.”
It’s a cop-out to include Willow. It’s not untrue, butIreally missed her. It bothered me on one level, but I also wished I could have that friendship back as soon as she walked out the door.
“I didn’t do it for Wes, you know?” she says, finally looking at me. “I did it for you. For Willow. For me too. Like, yeah, I work too hard to please the people around me, but I’ve never had to do that with Wes. He’s the only person in the world who’s ever been proud of me for just being me. I never have to work for his love. I would do anything for him because I love him. But with you and Willow…” She bites her lip between her teeth and shrugs.
“With me and Willow what?”
“I guess I thought we were friends. It felt like we were, or that we could be, and I wanted that. Wes can’t be here and it kills him. I’d guess it’s killing you too. But with what you said—I thought maybe I tried too hard to be him for you and ended up being the little sister who was too much. A burden, a nuisance.”
Rory’s eyes moved to her lap halfway through her monologue and I could kick myself for making her feel like she was less than.
“Rory, you’re none of those things. You feeling that way was never my intention. We are friends, okay?”
“We are,” she says, her head lifting. Then she clears her throat and smiles. “Do you, um, have a habit of making out with your friends in alleyways? If so, I might’ve just learned something I didn’t need to know about my brother.” She laughs, and I appreciate her breaking the tension.
“No, that isn’t something I make a habit of. No need to put images of that in my brain either, thank you very much. I’ve hadto see him make out with Joss enough to last me a lifetime, yet that’s how long I’ll have to live with them.”
“So last night then? Just a lapse of judgment, we blame it on the tequila?” she asks, leaning just slightly closer.
“I can’t blame my actions in the hallway this morning on tequila…”
“No, I guess you can’t. Not unless your orange juice was different to mine. So, what then? Why’d you kiss me?”
“Because I wanted to. Because for once my mind was clear, and that felt good. Because it felt like you wanted me to—”
She interrupts me with “I did… want you to.” She blushes but holds my gaze.
“Because it felt good to be wanted,” I continue, and that admission hurts. Over these past few weeks, it’s become painfully obvious that Talia hadn’t wanted me, wanted us, for quite some time. It’s left me questioning everything.
Her eyes widen slightly, and just when I think she’s going to swing the door open and disappear up her porch steps, she sinks into her seat.
“Why did you let me kiss you?” I ask, emboldened. “I’ll feel like a real asshole if it actually was just the tequila.”
“It wasn’t that. Though it helped.” She bites her bottom lip again and I force myself to keep my hand on the steering wheel so I don’t pull it free. “I told you I’m tired. Tired of never measuring up. Tired of doing everything for everyone else and still not being enough. With you last night, I was doing something just for me, because I wanted to, and it feltreallygood.”
“Really good, aye?” I quip, and she pushes my shoulder.
“You know what I mean,” she says, and instead of letting her pull her hand away, I grab it and wrap it between mine on the center console.
“I do. You weren’t trying to impress anyone. You were just being you.”
“Yeah.” She breathes out through her nose, resting her head against the headrest again. Her shoulders are relaxed, and she’s drawing a small circle with her thumb that’s making me crazy.
“I wasn’t lying when I said what we do in our personal lives isn’t Wes’s business. It’s not anyone’s business. But I don’t want for us to end up in a place where Wes is stuck in the middle of something that would hurt our friendship. I’m—” I break off, unsure of how to continue.
“You’re not interested in anything serious,” she says, succinct and to the point.
“No, I’m not. God, right now I feel miles away from being able to handle something serious. Plus, we’re only here for a few more weeks.”
“What if I said I just want to feel like I did last night? Enjoy choosing something for myself for once. I know you’re only here until the end of January. I’m not expecting anything from you, but I’m not going to lie—I’d really like for you to kiss me again.”
“Yeah?” I lift an eyebrow.
“Yeah. So, what do you say? You can choose to be a little irresponsible, to not overthink it. And I can choose to want you while you’re here just because I can.”
I lean an inch closer. “Okay.”
Her face is lit only by the glow of the lamplight as snow cascades around the car.
