Page 85 of On the Slopes of Tahoe
Well, sort of. I guess you could say I half quit.
No, I fully quit, but Logan convinced me to stay on part-time for the rest of the season so I can train Hannah, the intern.
Did I really just do that?
Bloody hell.
God, I’m even thinking like Breck, Aussie accent and all.
My feet carry me down the hallway toward my office and away from Logan’s. I went in there ready to turn in my two weeks’ notice. I want to take my photography full-time and with the trajectory of what Breck and I started, my schedule is already filling up. In the end, I’m glad Logan offered the option of staying on temporarily. This way I won’t have to dip into my savings to stay afloat.
I think I was more worried to see the disappointment on his face when I told him I was leaving. Though, when he asked for the reason behind my decision, he was more than excited for me. He even offered to help in any way he could and said he’d be happy to reach out to some of his marketing contacts.
Four years of working for him and he’s been a more supportive male figure than my own father. Here I am, a girl whose parents built their own business from the ground up but refused to help me chase my dream. Not that I asked. Why would I with their blatant disapproval for the whole idea?
I sit in my office chair and spin, pulling my legs up and letting my head fall back. I haven’t seen them since the bar a week ago, but the tensionhasshifted—slightly. Mom texted me yesterday toaskme to join them for Sunday night dinner. I declined, offering the honest reason of having an elopement shoot and needing to pack. Really, it’s more that I’m not ready to open myself up to them.
I stop my spinning, bring my hands to my desk, and look around my office.
Noting the time, I stand. Jamie will be at the condo soon.Our condo. I’ve been there alone for the last two days and nothing about it feels right anymore. I’m ready to get out of there.
Without Willow’s giggles, Breck’s boisterous laugh, the sounds ofBluey, the smell of Breck’s freshly brewed coffee… It feels like there’s no life there. It’s like the three of us wereplaying house for the last month and the bubble of imaginative bliss popped the second he walked away in the airport.
I haven’t stopped missing him.
A little piece of my heart went with him that day, and I don’t think I’ll ever get it back. I’ll never regret it though. I gained so much of myself just by knowing him. By having him here. I’m not a different person. I’m just a better version of the woman I was. One who stands up for herself, goes after her dreams and what she wants.
And I can understand that chasing a man to Australia wouldn’t have been what was best forher.
And it was never even a question for Breck. He had to choose the life that was best for him and Willow, and uprooting them for a fling from Tahoe wasn’t it.
Fling.
No, we weren’t that. As much as we said it was only physical, friends with benefits,whatever, there was more to it. Thereismore. Unfortunately, sometimes life gives you something incredible, but it’s only meant for a season. Meant for a space in time.
That was us. A perfect alignment of the stars so we could be friends, lovers, partners… more. For a time.
I can accept that.
Or, I will. Eventually. Right now, it hurts more than I’ll ever admit out loud. I miss him. I miss Willow. I miss all of it.
He’s putting on a pretty good front, but I think he misses me too. We’ve only FaceTimed once since he left, mostly to let me know they’d made it home. Willow was adamant she wanted to get on another plane and come back, and Breck looked so tired I could see the tension in him that had all but disappeared these last few months. With Willow there, I didn’t ask how he’s really doing. I can only imagine it’s not great being back in the house he shared with Talia.
We’ve texted some, but it’s mostly been about business stuff: the shoot I had yesterday, the condo, and my move to the new place. It’s very surface-level from both sides, and I don’t know if that makes it better or worse.
I think he’s keeping it friendly, focusing on safe topics so we can move beyond whatever those last moments in the terminal were. I can still hear Willow’s whispered “we love you,” still feel the ache in my heart. What I told her in return was true: I love them too.
That’s the hard thing about loving someone. You want the best for them even if it means letting them go.
I walk up the steps of the building that will no longer be my home in mere minutes.
The sight of my suitcases at the door sparks a reckless feeling in me. Howeasyit would be to take these bags straight to the airport and be in Sydney tomorrow.
But I have a life I’m building here. I owe it to myself to give myself this chance to do what I’ve always wanted.
My phone vibrates in my pocket and I find Breck’s name on the screen. A sad smile lifts my lips. It’s like he knows I’m about to leave this space that was ours.
Breck
