Page 147 of Loren Piper Strikes Again
I hear the familiar rumble of my truck before I see it. When Loren pulls into a parking spot way down the lot with no cars nearby, I smile.
Then she climbs out, and my heart starts to ache.
She doesn’t walk, she runs, straight across the pavement. I push unsteadily to my feet and catch her in my arms, getting a mouthful of curls in the process. I don’t even care if she chokes me so long as she never lets go.
“I thought you weren’t coming back,” I confess with a broken sigh, my eyes starting to burn.
Her arms squeeze me a little tighter, her words muffled from her face still being buried in my chest. “What kind of monster would I be to leave a man with abandonment issues?”
“I don’t have?—”
She peers up at me, her eyes hidden behind the golden lenses on her sunglasses. Even so, I can see the smile twitching on her lips. “Fine. I have abandonment issues as big as the Grand Canyon.” Now she knows and she isn’t running away. She’s still holding onto me as tightly as I’m clinging to her. “I kept thinking about coming home and finding all your stuff packed up.” Myforehead falls to hers, knocking her sunglasses askew. “I don’t want you to leave. I never want you to leave.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Elliott. That’s not what you do when you love someone.”
Love.She said love.
“You love me?”
“Yes, you big idiot.” She balls up her fist and punches my shoulder hard enough to make me wince. “But we’re fighting so we can talk about it later.”
I’d rather talk about it now, because…holy shit. Loren loves me.
Loren shoves her glasses onto her forehead, pushing back her curls as well. Seeing her red-rimmed eyes wipes the dopey smile from my face. “I get why you didn’t tell me and I’m sorry she left you, but I’m not her.”
“No. You’re not.” Thank God for that.
“But I do think I deserve an explanation.”
At this point, I’ll give her anything she wants as long as she lets me be her reason to stay.
We sink onto the step, and I tell her the extended version of my story, sparing no details. When I finish, we’re both fighting back tears. I don’t miss Alice, and it’s clear now that we weren’t meant for forever, but what we went through really sucks. Saying it out loud is like reliving the shit all over again.
“When we separated, I thought maybe she’d change her mind and come back,” I explain. “So I sort of just existed for the first year. Then, when it was clear that she wanted nothing to do with me, I thought I’d try to make up for lost time by sleeping with anyone who was interested. All that was fine, but the moment you get off, that’s it. There’s no connection, nothing deeper.” I enjoy sex, but I’m not just looking for sex. I want more. I’ve always wanted more. “But I thought…”
Loren squeezes my arm, encouraging me to continue.
“I thought that maybe Alice wasn’t satisfied with our sex life. I thought if I had some more experience, I’d get better and then if she ever came back to me, she’d realize I could be what she was looking for.”
“But she never came back.”
“Not until a few months ago.”
Loren’s soft gasp hits me straight in the heart, but I soldier on. There can be no more secrets between us. No more barriers. “She showed up to my parents’ house when I was supposed to stop by. I didn’t go in, but I saw her car parked outside. She texted me a couple of times, wishing me Happy New Year, asking if we could talk.”
“Weren’t you curious about what she wanted?”
I shake my head. Maybe a few years ago I would’ve been, but now? “I didn’t care because I was more curious about whatyouwanted.”
Although a smile plays at the corner of her lips, she looks impossibly sad. “If you still love her?—”
“I don’t. Seeing her today only confirmed that. The whole time she was standing there, talking to me, all I could think about was coming to find you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, but I didn’t want to scare you off.” Saying it out loud sounds so silly now. “You thought I had an aversion to commitment when it’s just the opposite. I don’t need to know if the grass is greener in anyone else’s pants.” My lips twitch when I repeat Loren’s words from what feels like forever ago back to her. “I have no desire to go looking for something I’ve already found.”
Her head tips back, the sun glistening off her dark curls as her smile slowly blooms into a beautiful grin. “And what is that?”
“A woman I love.”
“You’re not just saying that to make up for your lie?”
My head shakes as I gather her closer, until her body melts against mine. “I’m saying that because I mean it. Fight with me all you want, Chaos, but love me while you do it.”
Her soft lips find mine and she murmurs, “If you insist.”
