Page 2 of That Baby (That Boy 3)
Not good.
I shuffle into the kitchen and find Phillip unloading a grocery store's worth of bags. Lori is neatly organizing his purchases in my pantry. She waves at me over the bags piled on the island.
"Jade, how are you feeling?" she asks with a sing-song, happy-bird-in-the-park quality to her voice as she scurries around, getting me crackers and 7-Up and placing them in front of me with a flourish.
I sit at the bar with my blankie still wrapped around me and bite into a cracker. I'm delighted to discover that it tastes wonderfully salty and good.
"So how is it?" she asks, pointing to my snack.
"It tastes good, thanks."
"Normal people don't really like saltines, only pregnant women do."
Shit. She thinks I just passed some litmus test for pregnant women.
"I lived on them during my first few months." Now she's acting like we're in some secret saltines club together.
And it hits me. Her ultra cheerful voice. Her being so nice. "Phillip! You told her?"
He grins and holds up his hands. "I'm sorry. She wanted to know what was wrong with you, and I'm just so excited about what it could be I let it slip that you're a few days late."
"I am not pregnant!"
And I am willing both them and the fertility gods to believe me.
Or, wait, would it be the non-fertility gods?
Is there such a thing?
"Please stop this ridiculousness. You're upsetting me."
"See, Phillip. I told you. Mood swings, " Lori says, acting like she is some kind of pregnancy expert.
"This is not a mood swing," I counter. "This is an I-have-the-flu, feel-like-crap, and-you-keep-going-on-with-all-this-you're-pregnant-bullshit mood."
"Rubber band," she tells me.
I take the rubber band off my wrist and fling it at her. "Fuck that."
Yes, I know.
She's my friend, and she's being very helpful and organizing my pantry, but I don't feel good!
I can't handle this harassment.
She gives me a glare. I look at her pathetically. She huffs and goes back to organizing my pantry.
This is why we're friends. We both know when to back down.
Phillip takes pity on me. He picks me up, carries me over to the couch, and snuggles up with me.
"Sorry," he says quietly. "I just had to tell someone. I feel like I could burst."
"Please tell me you haven't told anyone else."
"Um, I uh . . ."
"Phillip?!"
"So, my mom called this morning and asked how the move was going, and I told her you were sick yesterday and then again this morning. You know she has baby on the brain, and she asked if you could be pregnant. I told her no. That I thought it was just the flu. But she sorta acted like she didn't believe me."
"Phillip, I have a fever. I don't think that's a pregnancy sign."
Lori, who apparently has been listening, butts in, "I had a slight fever and thought I was coming down with the flu when I found out."
I shake my head at her. I'm pretty sure I could tell her that my toenails hurt and the trees outside swayed in the breeze, and she would tell me it's a pregnancy symptom.
"Phillip, please pray that we're not. We aren't ready for this. We need to be a couple first. Have some fun together. Babies are hard on marriages."
"I don't think I can do that. I can't lie. I would be pretty damn excited if you are. I can't wait to have an adorable, spunky daughter with a cute, curly ponytail and little freckles across her adorable nose, just like her mommy." His finger grazes my freckles. "I'll give her piggyback rides, teach her how to ride a bike, climb a tree, and punch any boy who tries to kiss her. I can't wait to start a family with you."
Okay, so, I don't want a baby right now, but the way he talks about his future daughter is really adorable. And it must be contagious, because it makes me think that maybe it wouldn't be that bad.
But I am still on Team Not Pregnant.
Please, not yet.
"Just in case you want to find out for sure, he bought you a home pregnancy test," Lori butts in again.
"I'm not taking that. I'll get my period. I just have the flu."
As the day goes on, my nausea subsides, but it may be because all I've eaten is crackers and 7-Up.
I get nothing moving-related done, because Phillip makes me lie on the couch and relax while he organizes our home.
Which means, I'll never be able to find anything.
January 25th
I hate you right now.
I get up, feel a little better, and am hungry--well starved--so I splurge on a muffin and a glass of chocolate milk.
Thirty minutes later, I'm puking it back up and Phillip is looking like he found the end of a rainbow.
"Phillip, you aren't supposed to smile about someone being sick. It's annoying."
"Princess, why don't you just take the pregnancy test? Then, if it says no, you will know it's just the flu; and if it says yes, well, you can freak, and I can celebrate."
"I hate you right now." I hide my head under the blanket.
Of course, he can't leave me alone, so he snuggles up to me and starts talking through the blanket.
"Tell me why you wouldn't be excited about this? It would be kind of like a surprise gift."
"No, it would not. Having a child is a big responsibility. It's time consuming and takes lots of energy. I don't have the time or the energy right now. Plus, I want to spend time with you. I want us to be a couple, before we become a family. Why can't you get that?"
"Princess, sometimes things happen for a reason. If you're pregnant, it's because God thinks we're ready for this."
"Oh, no you don't!" I whip the covers off my head and point at him. "Don't you go blaming God for this. If there's a reason this happened, it would be because I was stupid to believe you when you said, don't worry about the antibiotics. This would be God laughing at me for my stupidity."
I throw the covers back over my head.
"Jadyn . . ."
Oh. He's mad at me.
"Don't use that tone of voice with me. I'm sick."
He uncovers me. Kisses my face, my neck, and my forehead. Sweet adorable kisses that make me love him even more.
"All I'm saying is that if you are, I would be thrilled. I love you. I want to have a family with you, and I don't care when it happens. If you want to wait--I mean, if you aren't already-- then we'll wait. But you have to admit, it would be fun to be pregnant the same time as Lori. To have our kids close in age like you and I were. Just think, we can take naked pictures of them together as babies to torture them with when they are older."
I can't help it. I laugh at that.
"See, whatever it is, you and I love each other. You will be an amazing mom, and I plan on being the best dad ever, but the reason I want a baby is just because I am so in love with you."
He kisses me on the lips.
And I am thinking this boy must really love me, because I just puked and did not brush my teeth, and he didn't even cringe.
I still hope I'm not pregnant but, I guess if I was, it wouldn't be the end of the world.
January 26th
I look like shit.
I wake up stilling feeling crappy, but I don't puke! I'm thinking, thank you, God, but where is Mother Nature when you need her?
Still no period, and I'm starting to think I might be pregnant.
As I watch Phillip unpack, the thought actually crosses my mind that it might be cool if I were pregnant. I know the timing is not right, but Phillip is so amazing, so sweet, and so good to me. It seems kind of selfish of me to want to hog all that love and keep it for myself. He's going to be a great dad and a wonderful husband, of that I have no doubt.
And at lunchtime, when he drives twenty-two miles to get me what Danny dubs as the best chicken noodle soup in Kansas City, I almost want to cry because I feel so lucky and loved.
We sit at the kitchen island eating soft dinner rolls and the
amazing chicken soup together.
I know I look like shit. I haven't showered or brushed my hair in two days, but Phillip doesn't seem to care. He still looks at me like I'm the most beautiful girl in the world.
I'm seriously so lucky.
I also seriously have to pee.
It is at this point in my life that I realize Mother Nature has a very warped sense of humor.
My period has arrived.
And I should be relieved. I should be jumping-with-joy happy.
I should go out screaming, Phillip, it's okay!! My period is here!! Let's celebrate!
But that's not how I'm feeling.
I feel, well, I'm still trying to wrap my head around how I'm feeling. Because the way I'm feeling is a shock even to myself. I'm feeling, um, well, I'm feeling quite sad actually.
I'm feeling let down.
And I have no idea why.
I walk back out to the living room and tell Phillip quietly, "I just got my period."
He looks kind of crushed, and I just start bawling.
I can't believe it, but I think I'm sad that I'm not pregnant.
And I can see disappointment written all over Phillip's face. He looks like he could cry.
I start blubbering, "I'm sorry, Phillip, I know you wanted me to be, and I wasn't sure, and now I'm like so sad that I'm not, and I love you, and blabber, blabber, blabber." I don't even know what I'm saying.
Phillip holds me tight and just listens. When I'm done blathering on, he says, "It's okay, but I will admit I got a little excited about the possibility. Maybe we learned something?"
"Like what?" I sob.
