Page 58 of That Wedding (That Boy 2)
Me: He decided to marry someone else.
Phillip: She was jealous of my relationship with Jadyn.
Describe your courtship.
Me: We spent a week hanging out, got engaged on our first real date, and have been living together and dating, I guess, since. Actually, we've only had a few real dates. So maybe we didn't have a courtship? Or we had the longest courtship known to man.
Phillip: Basically, we've been best friends forever and have been in love with each other for a very long time. We just were afraid to make the jump from friends to a relationship. When we finally did, there seemed like no reason to wait. Our courtship has been amazing.
I swear, he's delirious. We didn't really have a courtship. No late night make out sessions in front of my house, no should I let him come in, no wondering if he's going to call again, no how far should I let him go without him thinking I'm a slut.
How did I miss out on our amazing courtship?
How will you make major decisions together?
Me: Talk about it, I would imagine. Kinda like we did about moving to KC.
Phillip: Talk about it together. Over wine.
In other words, get Jadyn tipsy, and she'll agree to just about any crazy idea.
Shit.
Is it easy for you to talk about your feelings?
Me: I used to tell Phillip everything. Now, I can't. I'm afraid he wouldn't like me anymore if he knew what I was thinking.
Phillip: We talk about everything.
Uh, wrong.
I can't read anymore. I wad the questionnaires into a ball and throw them in my bag. It's clear. We've failed couple's counseling.
I go to work and am surprisingly productive. I just finished up the rest of my preliminary drawings and am feeling really good about them. Going to the museum, letting off a little steam, must've been just what I needed.
I check my emails and see one from Amy. She wants to know what our first dance song will be.
Shit! Phillip and I don't have a song!!!
Apparently, when you don't have a courtship, you also don't have a song.
Sure, there are lots of songs that remind me of him. The song we all danced to like maniacs at his house whenever it came on the radio. The song that was playing in the car the night of my parents' accident. The song we danced to when he was my mercy date for winter formal. Songs from summers by Danny's pool. But they're not songs you'd want to play as your first dance. I don't think anyone wants to see us dropping what our mamas gave us or having us get low, low, low. Pretty much all the songs we love are more like dance and party type songs.
Then I remember that movie, The Wedding Planner, and how the wedding planner could tell by the song a couple picks, how long their marriage is going to last. How crucial the first dance song is to the success of a marriage.
I picture the dream. My dad telling me that we're moving too fast. I think he might be right. Phillip and I are moving very fast.
We're talking warp speed.
If we were on a Starfleet spacecraft, we'd have gone into hyperspace by now.
We got engaged on our first date.
We bought a house.
We've only dated for four months.
AND, we don't have a song.
I don't need a wedding planner or a pastor to tell me.
We're doomed.
And I don't wanna be doomed with Phillip.
I need Phillip, like I seriously need him, but maybe we need to slow down.
Maybe we should postpone the wedding.
No, calm down. It's just cold feet. Every bride feels this way. It said so on the website. It's normal to feel this way.
You love him.
It doesn't matter that your wedding guests almost got eaten by crocodiles. It doesn't matter that God turned you into a burning bush. It doesn't matter that you answered all the pastor's questions wrong. It doesn't matter that you solve conflicts with sex. It doesn't matter that you don't have a song.
You love Phillip. That's all that matters.
Everything will be fine.
It's a freaking song. It's not a barometer of your relationship.
I'll text Phillip, and we'll figure out a song. No big deal.
Me: Just realized we don't have a song. Like a first wedding dance appropriate song.
I'm just getting on the phone when Phillip sneaks up behind me and kisses my neck.
"Phillip, you're distracting me. I'm working hard here."
He chuckles. "You just sent me a text about wedding songs. I have a feeling your mind isn't completely on your work."
"Actually, it is. I'm ready to show you my designs. They're still rough, but they're all very different directions. I need to set up a meeting with your dad, but I thought maybe you could look at them, tell me what you think. Like if you think he'll like them, or if you have suggestions, or whatever."
"Sure, I'd love to see them."
I move off my chair and spread my big sketchbook out in front of him. Phillip flips through the pages. He goes back and flips through them again. He has an odd look on his face. I'm pretty sure he doesn't like any of them.
He finally says in an extremely shocked voice, "Damn, Princess, these are, like,......really good."
I know he said good. He may have even said really good, but what I keep seeing is that shocked look on his face. Why is Phillip shocked? He hired me, wanted me to do this, and now he's shocked?
WTF????!!!!!
He shouldn't be shocked. If he hired me because he thought I could do it, he would expect them to be good.
And then it hits me. Why he really hired me.
"OH MY GOSH, PHILLIP! I was a pity hire?!! You didn't think I was talented, you just hired me so I would move to Kansas City with you????!!!"
I can't tell you how pissed I am.
No, scratch that. I'm not pissed.
I'm really hurt.
I feel like I just got the wind knocked out of me.
"What? No, I just....."
"Why are you acting shocked that they're good then? If you hired me for real, you'd expect them to be good."
"I did expect them to be good, but..."
No way. I saw the look on his face. I saw his shocked expression. I know exactly what he was thinking.
"Never mind, Phillip. I don't wanna hear it. Here, take these." I shove the plans into his hands while I fight back tears. "You can use them if you want when you hire someone else."
"Hire someone else, why would we do that?"
"Because I'll be damned if I'll be your pity hire. Some stupid family member you carry along in the business because you don't think they can make it on their own. Well, fuck that. I quit."
I grab my purse, march out the office, and to my car.
I put the key in the ignition and realize I should probably call Phillip's dad. Regardless of why they hired me, yelling, Fuck that, I quit, is not very professional.
"JJ," he answers. "How's it going?"
"Um, not great. I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate the opportunity, but I'm afraid I have to quit. Well, I just quit."
"You quit? Why?"
"No offense, but I want to work someplace where people believe I'm talented and creative, not because I'm marrying the boss's son."
"Are you in your office? I'd like to talk to you about this in person."
"I'm in my car. I told Phillip I quit and was getting ready to leave, but I thought I should tell you first."
"I'm not letting you quit until we talk in person. Come to my office and bring what you've worked on so far."
"I don't want Phillip in the meeting."
"Fine," he says and hangs up.
Shit.
Okay, so I'll go back in there, take him my drawings, and officially quit.
My phone buzzes.
It's Phillip.
The only reason I answer is because I'm on my way back in there. "Hey," I say coldly.
