"Excellent. Do you need an engagement ring or just wedding bands?"
"An engagement ring," I decide. "Well, both. We're getting married tonight."
"Congratulations," he says, setting a tray of rings in front of me.
"Something bigger," I demand. "I know this is just a quickie wedding that we'll laugh about someday--but there's a big part of me that wants to marry a girl just like her. And if I'm going ask my dream girl to marry me for the night, I might as well fucking do it up right."
"Do you have a budget in mind?"
"I just want something that will make her cry when she sees it."
He nods, excuses himself, and then brings out another tray, this one with much larger diamonds. "These solitaires are in the five-carat range."
I point to a ring that I know she will love. How I know that, I have no idea. Maybe it's because I'm sorta drunk. Not sure. But, somehow, I know.
He picks the ring up. "Four point two carats, princess cut, platinum, ringed with another one point six carats." He shows me the price tag.
It doesn't even faze me, but I say, "Surely you can do better than that."
"In honor of your wedding, I will take ten percent off. Would you like the matching wedding band as well?"
"Yes, I would."
"And how about for you?" He sets down a tray of men's rings, and I choose a thick platinum band with striped etching.
He asks if it will be cash or charge.
I reach in my wallet, pulling out the black Visa tied to my trust fund. One that, so far, I've never used.
After he gets my driver's license, signature, and approval, I ask him if he can help me with something else.
"Certainly," he says, handing me a card and telling me to meet there in thirty minutes.
I go outside and wait for her.
A few minutes later, she bounds out with a garment bag and kisses me. "I can't believe we're doing this. I'm so excited! Where should we go? I've heard there's a little white chapel somewhere."
"I have a better idea." I take her hand, leading her through the casino and to a balcony that overlooks the fountains.
As we arrive, the show starts. I couldn't have timed it better if I tried.
"It's so pretty here!" she squeals.
I take her hand and bend down on one knee. "Hotass, you're the craziest, coolest, and sexiest girl I've ever met. Will you marry me tonight?"
She screeches, "Yes!"
As I stand up, she throws her arms around my neck and kisses me.
"You haven't seen the ring yet," I tell her.
"We'll do the wedding rings at the ceremony, won't we--"
I pop open the lid, revealing the engagement ring and effectively silencing her.
"Oh my gosh! Is that real? It can't be real, it's so sparkly and huge and beautiful!"
"It's very real," I say, slipping it on her finger.
"It fits," she says. "How does it fit?"
"Just lucky, I guess."
She stares at the ring and gets tears in her eyes. "It's the most beautiful ring I've ever seen."
I cup her face in my hands and tell her how I really feel. "That's because you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I Vegas love you."
"I Vegas love you too," she says, letting the tears fall.
I brush them away and glance at my watch. "Come on. Let's go get married."
"Where are we going?"
"To a chapel."
I drag her there and point out a nearby bathroom. "You can put your dress on in there."
Then I send a quick text to the group of people we met earlier and invite them to the wedding.
When I finish, the jewelry salesman rounds the corner and hands me a garment bag.
"Thank you," I say happily. "Will you stand up for us?"
"It'd be my pleasure," he replies.
Maybe I'm Drunk
Ashlyn
I'm giddy, staring at the ring and getting dressed.
I look at myself in the mirror.
I look a little silly in the blond wig, but I'm keeping it on.
The last thing I need is for someone to recognize me and post online that Ashlyn Roberts--not the award-winning actress, but the sex tape girl--is getting married in Vegas on the night Zach Ellison broke up with her.
For a second, I wonder if I should really go through with it.
This is crazy.
I don't even know this guy.
But I fluff my fake hair, put on some lipstick, and touch up my eyeliner anyway. I may look silly, but I've never felt happier in my life.
Or maybe it's because I'm drunk.
Just who the hell is this sexy guy anyway?
I look down at the sparkle on my finger.
How did he afford a ring like this? And why the hell would he buy it for me?
The thought crosses my mind that he loves me.
Okay, now I know I'm drunk.
There's a knock at the door and a woman comes in. "Are you ready to get married?"
"Yes, I am!"
She hands me a beautiful bouquet of pale roses and leads me to a stained glass chapel.
The pews are filled with the people we drank margaritas with.
Sexy is standing in front of the altar wearing a black tuxedo.
Tears fill my eyes.
God, he's so handsome, and funny, and sincere. Why can't I find a guy like him for real?
As the music starts playing, I try to walk straight down the aisle. I know I'm a little off balance, but I'm surprised when I stumble in my new heels. Luckily, I catch myself on a pew.
The margarita people cheer me on, and I eventually make it to the altar.
"Your names, please," the minister says, as I take Sexy's hands. They are warm and envelope me with trust.
"His name is Sexy," I say with a grin.
"And her name is Hotass," he adds with a laugh.
"Are those the names you'd like to use when you take your vows?" We both nod and the minister says, "Very well. Will you, Hotass take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold from this day forward for as long as you both shall live?"
"I do," I say.
"And do you, Sexy,"--the minister chuckles--"take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold from this day forward for as long as you both shall live?"
Sexy looks deep into my eyes and says, "I do."
"Would you like to exchange rings?" the minister asks.
"Yes," Sexy says, pulling a pair out of his pocket. "And we'll say our own vows."
He slides a diamond-encrusted band on top of my engagement ring.
"It's so beautiful," I gush.
"You're beautiful," he tells me, grabbing my ass with one hand and pulling me closer. "With this ring, I promise to make life fun, to help you live out your crazy dreams, and to fuck you silly."
The minister coughs--or chokes--I'm not sure. I wipe little tears from my eyes and slide a wedding band on his finger. I hold his hand tightly as we lock eyes. "With this ring, I promise to remember this day forever, because it's been the best one of my entire life." Then I grab his face and kiss him.
The margarita crowd erupts with cheers.
"Uh, well--then I guess I will now pronounce you husband and wife. You may, uh, continue to kiss the bride."
At some point, the minister coughs, so Sexy stops kissing me.
Which sucks, because I didn't want the kiss to end.
Ever.
The minister asks for our IDs. I hand him my fake one and carefully sign that name on the marriage certificate in front of me. I try to make out Sexy's name, but his signature isn't the least bit legible. I know it's supposed to be a no-names night, but I can't help but wonder who he really is.
"Congrats," the minister and witnesses say, shaking our hands.
Music starts playing, so we stagger down the aisle together to the cheers of the margarita crew.
We stop and take a whole bunch of crazy photos with them.
&
nbsp; When that's done, Sexy leads me outside to a waiting limo.
"Where should we go next on Sexy and Hotass' Great Vegas Adventure?" he asks.
I pull him to my lips. "Straight back to our room, please."
When we walk through the lobby, people clap and wish us well, but Sexy is on a mission. He's holding my hand tightly as he takes us straight to the elevator, where he slides our keycard, hits the floor button, and then kisses me deeply.
When the elevator dings, he picks me up and carries me into our suite while still kissing me.
"You just carried me over the threshold," I say, giddy and happy.
"It's our wedding night. I had to."
He calls our butler and says that we need champagne and desserts stat.
Then I get his full attention. He slides the straps of my wedding dress off my shoulders and kisses them.