Page 75 of Rewrite the Stars

I hear them shuffling into the hallway and almost have to sit on my hands to stop myself going to their aid, and Dad just can’t control himself.

‘Let me at least get your bags!’ he calls out from his pew on the armchair by the fire.

‘In a minute,’ calls Martin. ‘Just let us get in first. We’re nearly there and don’t want to ruin the surprise.’

Mam starts to chatter, as usual unable to be quiet for long, and then Matthew calls in at her to give it a rest for just five minutes.

‘Well, that’s me told off.’

‘Ssh!’

Then, what seems like minutes later but is only probably seconds, Martin comes to the sitting room door by himself, flustered, soaked from the rain and slightly out of breath. A cool shiver runs up my arms and goose bumps spring up on the back of my neck as I realize he is waiting on Matthew now to follow him in, but he isn’t looking down towards a chair. He seems to be watching Matthew at eye level. Could this really be happening?

Martin nods out into the hallway, spurring my brother on, and I feel a lump form in my throat and tears flow down my cheeks.

‘Oh Matthew! Oh my God, Matthew!’

I clasp my face in disbelief and everyone in the room falls silent, except for my mother’s gentle sobs as she watches her only son hold onto the doorframe and take small, shuffling steps in towards us. Emily gasps and I watch my dad wipe his eyes as he stands up to greet his boy.

‘I’d forgotten … I’d forgotten just how tall and fine a man you are, Matthew,’ he says, hugging him tight, then Mam, Emily and I join them in the middle of the sitting room floor in a group huddle.

‘More to the point, do you like my hair?’ asks Matthew amongst the sniffling and sobbing around him. ‘I thought a change would do me good.’

Mam ruffles his damp, bright blue hair and holds him into her again, and then Jack puts his arm around me, knowing I need his arms to stop me falling as I witness a moment I’ve been waiting on for so long.

‘I knew he’d do it,’ he whispers into my hair. ‘I knew it would just take some time, faith and lots of love.’

‘Thank you for everything, Jack,’ I say to my husband. ‘Thank you for believing in him and for believing in me all along this bumpy road. This has got to be the happiest day of my life. I’m so, so happy.’

I watch as Matthew gets all the praise he deserves for his determination and dedication to get back on his feet again, I watch as Martin looks on at every move he makes with beaming pride, I watch my sister and her husband who are both glowing with their impending parenthood, I watch Harry and Sophie argue over whose turn it is to take their dogs outside then agree to go together, and I watch my mam and dad whose love and guidance got us this far in life, no matter how many tears and struggles we’ve all felt along the way.

I remember Peggy on the pier in Howth that day last year when she reminded me that everything we experience is sent to us as a lesson, and that no one or nothing will leave our lives until it has taught us what it was meant to. Matthew’s accident has taught us so much about love, patience and gratitude and it also led me to Jack, the man I love and who I was always meant to be with.

I think of Tom Farley, who never did marry Ana in the end, and who has probably scrawled another few names on his tattooed arms since. I continue to wish him well in my heart, but my thoughts of him are different now and from a distance, just where they belong and where they’ll always be for as long as I live.

I think of the love I have, right here in this room, and I vow that I will never take anything for granted again. I will make mistakes, I know I will, but I also know that I will continue to learn and grow with whatever life throws my way, as we all will.

I’ve learned so much in my thirty-one years so far, but most of all I’ve learned that, although we can try and control our destiny as we take twists and turns in life, turning right, left and even taking the odd wrong turn – no matter how we try and shape it, fate will always make sure we end up exactly where we are meant to be.

I’ve learned that there is no other me out there, and there never really was, of course. I’m exactly where I’m meant to be right now and I want to cherish every single moment.

I want to live in the present. I want to sing again, to teach many more smiling children. I want to love and appreciate my life as I learn and grow.

This is my life. This is where I’m meant to be. This is me.