Page 65 of Journey to the Elderoak
She let out a small sob, unable to stop it. Casimir reachedfor her face, gently cupping it and turning her toward him. He swiped away her tears with his thumb.
“Eleanor’s death is not your fault. You wouldn’t have been able to stop it.”
She sniffled. “I know that now. It’s just…it still haunts me sometimes.”
“I know, princess. I have things that haunt me too. Thank you for telling me. Please don’t hide these things from me. I want to know when you’re struggling. If you’re hurting.”
She nodded as she composed herself, his hand leaving her face and returning to her hair. She was about to speak when he held out another wooden figure. A fox.
“Elara was my little sister,” he whispered. “This was her animal companion.”
He hesitated a moment as he watched the flames dance in the hearth. “When I was a boy, daemon soldiers invaded the village I lived in with my mother and sister. Though Deidamia and Andras had already disappeared, some of their forces still attempted to take more land for themselves. They burned the houses and killed everyone they saw. My mother tried to hide us in the cabinets. She told us to be quiet and run as soon as we got the chance. I heard them enter the house.” He paused, wiping away a stray tear. “Then I heard my mother die, trying to protect us.”
She wanted to comfort him, wanted to touch him. To wrap him in her arms and tell him everything was alright. But she didn’t.
His voice cracked as he continued, “My father hails from the astral kingdom and because of him, I have astral magic in addition to my earth abilities. So yes, I am a hybrid. I was scared. I was so scared, I started glowing. I tried to stop it, but I didn’t know how to control it. They saw the light and found us. I watched as they killed my sister right in front of me. She was five.”
“Oh Cas,” said Ava as her vision blurred, hands shaking in her lap.
“They came at me too.” He turned to her and pointed to the scar that ran from his jaw to his collarbone. “But for some reason, I didn’t die. I got away and fled…like a coward.”
She pulled his hand off the back of the couch and into her lap. “You were a child.”
He remained still for a moment and placed the fox back into his pocket. “I know. But I don’t think I’ll ever get over the pain of that day. I escaped and basically lived on the streets for a while. I’d been stealing food from some of the local farms, sneaking in at night and eating their crops. Raine’s father caught me and instead of turning me in, he adopted me.”
“He sounds like a good man.”
“He is. As I grew up, I fell in love with sword-fighting. I knew at a young age I wanted to be in the army. I wanted to fight against those who took my family away from me. I worked my ass off every day until I was named general and vowed to protect everyone in our kingdom, no matter the cost.”
“You’re a good man, too.”
He looked at her. “I’ve killed a lot of people. So many, I can’t even count.”
“Did they deserve it?”
“Yes.”
“And how many lives did you save by killing those people?” she asked.
“A lot. Hundreds… more.”
“Then you’re still a good man,” she said as she squeezed his hand.
Casimir let go and put his arm around her, pulling her close. She laid her head on his shoulder and breathed him in. They sat in silence, absorbing each other’s stories, another step toward understanding one another. Another step toward healing.
Ava knew she wasn’t better, and she had a long way to go.
But this was a start.
The next morning,Ava climbed through the course, feeling more confident after her talk with Casimir. He stood at the sidelines, coaching her through it. She didn’t have a nightmare last night. In fact, she slept better than she had in weeks and had woken refreshed, determined today would be the day she would complete it.
Talking about her dreams had helped. Opening up about her trauma had relieved some of the pressure that had been building in her these last couple of months. Jorrar was right. She had to go through it and stop avoiding the hard things.
She made it to the rope climb and wrapped it around her leg.
“Remember, pull your legs high and use them to push yourself up. Stop relying on arm strength. Your legs do most of the work,” Casimir called.
Pinching the rope between her feet, she pushed and made her way up. It was the last obstacle, and she was almost there. Higher and higher she climbed, sweat dripping down her back.
