Page 63 of Journey to the Elderoak
She heaved a big sigh as she absorbed his words.
“Ava,” he added. “Did you know that I knew your mother?”
“You did?”
“Yes. You remind me of her. The kindness she always showed. The tenacity. She would be so proud of you.”
Ava let out a sob, the damn bursting. She put her head in her hands and whispered, “I miss her.”
“I know. But she’s always with you. Never forget that. And never forget who you are. The woman who helped dying citizens in the tavern after only having been in Mosshaven a couple of days. The woman who rode a dangerous sea creature to save lives. The woman who fought back and stabbed Raine the moment we found you,” he added with a chuckle.
Ava let out a small laugh, wiping her face with the hem of her tunic.
“It’s okay to be scared. But let your strength overcome it. Let it guide you.Thatis who you are.”
Jorrar departed on silent feet, leaving Ava alone to process his words. Her fingers found Luna’s soft coat again as she slid down to the ground and sat beside her sleeping companion. Jorrar was right. Casimir was right. She had to stop avoiding the hard things or it would continue to devour her and stain her soul.
Avoidance was her bad habit, her way of coping. It was something she’d always done. When her mother had died, she threw herself into work so hard, she’d crash into bed with exhaustion so she wouldn’t have to think about her brokenheart. Back then, she didn’t have anyone else in her life. She had only hurt herself. But now her inability to face her turmoil was harming those around her. People she’d grown to love and care for.
And it was time to stop.
21
For the next three mornings, Casimir was nowhere to be found. He spent most of the day in meetings as they increased their planning for the war and arrived at their suite well after Ava had gone to bed, rising before she awoke.
He was avoiding her.
Raine had taken over Ava’s training during this time and he was angry. They barely spoke as she tried and tried again to complete the course.
“You’re letting your emotions get the best of you,” he said as she dusted herself off from falling on the rope climb yet again.
“I know.”
“You know I’m angry with you, right?” he asked as they walked back to the castle.
“Yes.”
“You need to fix this. Until you do, you’ll never finish that course.” He stopped and turned to her, crossing his arms, his hair bright in the sun.
She looked at him, devastated she hurt one of her favorite people. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean any of it.”
“I know you didn’t. And don’t worry, I gave Cas a lecture too,” he said. “You do the exact same thing he does.”
She shifted on her feet. “What do you mean?”
“Refuse to talk about your past until it spills over, and you say something you didn’t mean.”
“I know,” she whispered. “What do I do?”
“Well, the first step is apologizing. You need to go talk to him.”
She looked around and back at Raine. “He’s avoiding me.”
“I know.”
“He probably doesn’t want to talk to me.”
Raine grabbed her face and turned her to look at him. “The two of you are so fucking stubborn. Go. Talk. To. Him.”
