Page 25 of Journey to the Elderoak
“I can show you more moves later,” Pax chimed in. “Show you how to flip someone over the way I did to you.”
Ava laughed. “That hurt, by the way.” She took a sip of wine before continuing. “But I need the practice. After dinner?”
“Yes!”Raine shouted as Ava flipped Pax on his back for the third time.
They had drawn a small crowd around the mats as he taught her more hand to hand combat moves. Even though he was massive, he’d shown her a technique to take down almost anyone, no matter their size. She had to duck low, get the angle right, and use momentum. It was basic physics and once she got it down, she was able to flip him almost every time.
A few others had joined, letting her practice on them, and she managed to take them down as well. She reached out to help Pax up and he gave her a huge grin.
“Great job. But now, we all need to go to bed,” he said.
She agreed as the crowd dispersed, and crew members put away the mats. Ava strolled to the bow of the boat and leaned over the rail to watch the ocean. She closed her eyes, inhaling the salty air, and listened to the waves crashing against the hull. They’d be home in a few days.
She let out a deep sigh and opened her eyes to Casimir standing next to her.
“You’ve got to stop sneaking up on me like that,” she chastised, calming her racing heart.
“Sorry. I just wanted to see if you were doing alright.”
“You’ve been asking me that a lot the last several days.”
“Well…I remember how it felt the first time I took a life. I didn’t handle it well and I want to make sure you’re okay.”
She turned away and looked back over the horizon, the reflection of the moon rippling on the water. “Honestly? I’m not great. I thought throwing myself into training harder would help.”
“Has it?”
“A little. But I can’t stop picturing him dying in front of me.” She shook her head. “It keeps reminding me of—” Eleanor. But she couldn’t bring herself to say it out loud.
“Of what?”
“Nothing. Never mind. How’d you get over your first kill?”
“It’s not something you get over. You must remember you did it out of necessity. Self-defense. It wasn’t calculated. It wasn’t in cold blood. You had no choice.”
“I know. But that doesn’t make it any easier.”
“No, it doesn’t.” He turned to her and she met his gaze. “But the harsh truth of this is, it won’t be the first person you kill, Ava. This is war. When it comes down to it, it’s kill or be killed. You must figure out how to reconcile that.”
“How?”
“I can’t tell you that. It’s different for everyone. But if you don’t figure it out, it will eat you alive. And the first step is talking about the things you’ve been through.”
She knew he was referring to what happened before she met them. Her torture and other traumas. But she still wasn’t ready.
“Oh.” She tilted her head. “Like you talk about your past?”
His face fell and he turned back to the ocean. “Point taken.”
But Ava knew she was right. He kept pushing her to talk about her traumas and yet she knew he was struggling with his own. Why he’d initially been so cold toward her when she arrived in their world. And he obviously didn’t talk about it either.
They remained silent a while longer before she spoke again. “Thank you…” she whispered.
“For?”
“For what you did that night. When Corvus…you know.” She fidgeted with her braid. “Thank you for taking care of me.”
They both kept their eyes forward, but Casimir reached over and took her hand, interlacing their fingers.
