Page 122 of Free Spirit
I glare at the door, grumbling, “You just had to show up. I was doing fine, you know. Okay, I was making it work, but now… now I have to make a decision! I hate making decisions. I’d kick you if I didn’t think I’d fall through. Just so you know.”
And I’m threatening a celestial door.
“Alright, so those are the pros and cons of going through the door. Yay paradise and family. Boo for making new friends and eventually forgetting everything that makes meme.” I stand there, tapping my foot and staring at the door for way too long, before throwing my hands up in the air. “That wasn’t helpful at all!”
I freeze when Connor makes a low growling noise and then another huff, but he seems to still be asleep.Maybe he’s dreaming of chasing squirrels or something.
Scrubbing at my face, I murmur much quieter, “Let’s try a pro con list for staying. Maybe that’ll help.”
Lying down on the floor because pacing around the room didn’t seem to do anything, I converse with the ceiling, “Pros for staying. My friends are here, and they’d miss me if I was gone. The girl I’m in love with is here…”Crap! I probably shouldn’t have said that out loud.I peek up at her and she still looks sound asleep.Phew.“Unexplained magic stuff with the whole new anchor and tingling. Would be cool to figure out what that’s all about. Hell, magic in general is pretty cool and being a ghost means I don’t have to worry about the exploding stuff.”
Resting my hands on my chest, I start tapping out a random pattern with my fingers. “Cons. I’m dead. Being dead kind of sucks. No touching things. Feeling things. Pretty much only two out of the five senses working, so I can’t really do much without help. I haunt my friends while they go on with their lives and eventually become a burden because, see earlier reason-- unable to do anything without help. But maybe I can move on then? So staying is more of a delay not an either or.”
I sit up and look over at the door. “Will you come back if I don’t go now? Like, can I have a gap year for the afterlife?”
The door, of course, doesn’t answer, because even though it’s magical, it’s still a door.
“You know it’s weird that you don’t have a receptionist or a concierge here,” I criticize leaning back on my elbows. “I have questions. I can’t be the only spirit that has questions before moving on.”
The door doesn’t answer, but Kaleb mumbles in his sleep.
“Okay, good point. That’s probably what my light nephilim caseworker is for,” I ramble. “You win this round, door.”
I know it’s just a door, but I swear it gets shinier with smugness.
“So pros and cons of staying,” I list for the door. “Yay not leaving my friends, which let’s face it, need me to keep them all sane, and I keep all my thoughts and memories. Oh, and learn more about cool magic stuff. Boo being dead, potentially being a burden on said friends, and maybe stuck as a ghost for eternity.”
Door is indifferent, though very pretty with all the golden light and whatnot.
“You’re completely unhelpful,” I accuse.
Releasing an unnecessary deep breath, I get back to my feet and slowly approach the door. It doesn’t suck me in or go all crazy love spell on me or anything. I’m still just as conflicted a foot from it as I was five feet from it.
“You know, I thought my door would look cooler,” I say, grabbing onto the very normal doorknob. “Like all golden, maybe a gate, possibly some ethereal music playing.”
I twist the knob and the catch slides in and out, then look over my shoulder at all my friends. The pros and cons lists were worthless, because I know what I want to do. It’s why I’ve been staring at the dumb door.
“I can’t leave them,” I murmur, feeling at peace now that I’ve said it out loud. “Sorry, mom and dad. I miss you a lot, but… this is where I need to be.”
I close the door. The light goes out. And my hand slips through the doorknob.
“Guess, it heard me after all.”
