Page 76 of When There Was You
He snorts. “First kiss: good or bad?”
“Nerve-wracking and awkward. How about you?”
“I was scared shitless, had no idea what I was doing, but I liked it.”
“You’re acing it now,” I say, remembering our smoldering first kiss.
He groans. “Donotget me started thinking aboutkissing you, Jacqui.”
I snicker. “Moving on…celebrity fan moment?”
“I met Mario Andretti once at VIR and we talked racing for nearly an hour. Nice fucking guy. Didn’t even act like he was anyone special.”
“That’smegacool. Not sure if this counts, but I’m friends with a Major League Baseball player. Have you heard of Terry Walton? He plays for the Pittsburgh Pirates but we’re all hoping he eventually gets traded to the Oakland A’s.”
“Don’t know him, but that’s a huge accomplishment.”
“My friend Kendra wanted to marry him.”
“Sounds like they’re not together anymore.”
“They’re not. You ever had a tough breakup?”
“Yes,” he says tersely.
“Me too,” I whisper. “You were in love?”
He sighs. “Thought I was. She was my high school sweetheart.”
“Even after the purple tux?” I joke.
Butch doesn’t laugh. “I…I can’t talk about this.”
I’ve crossed a line, I think. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”
“It’s not your fault. Sensitive subject.”
There’s a commotion in the background and he swears under his breath. “Hey, I’ve got to go. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Okay,” I say, reluctant to end on this note. “Goodnight.”
“’Night.”
Did he get off the phone because of that noise, or did I upset him? I launch to my feet, unsettled, and yank open the fridge.
I’m overthinking this. It’s nothing. He deserves his privacy.
I close the refrigerator, unable to concentrate and not the least bit hungry anyway. But my sixth sense hovers, casting doubt about Butch and his yet-to-be-revealed secrets.
What would make me “run the other direction”?
“What are you afraid of?”Butch asks.
I know exactly what he implies and it’s not about phobias. I’ve thought about this a lot as my attraction to him grows. “Losing myself.”
“How so?”
“I’m not sure how to protect my heart from breaking. When I care about someone, they get all of me. I lost myself once and it makes me reluctant to believe in anyone again.”
