Page 32 of When There Was You
“WHAT?”
He chews his lip and nods, swallows again. “Remy and Sherry. A tag-team approach where I drop Remy off at a new outpatient rehab during the day, then Sherry or I take him to meetings in the evenings.
“That’s outrageous! And ridiculous!”
Silence.
“You’re not thinking of actually doing it, are you?” I take two furious puffs, almost choking, before grounding it out.
He heaves out another lengthy breath, and then I know.He is.
I throw off the covers and pace, my thoughts scattering as I grapple with the implications. I fling my hands violently in the air. “What the fuck, Mick? This will consume your entire life. And what about us? We can’t possibly navigate that! I mean, how long would this last?”
Mick approaches, his eyes dulled, shoulders hunched.
“Jax,” he murmurs, holding my hips as our gaze locks. “He’s tried a half dozen ways to get clean already. Hisparents and wife don’t have a clue how to deal with him or this.”
“And you do?”
“I don’t fucking know, but I can’t argue that if he’s in Half Moon Bay, he’s removed from the people and places that make it easy for him to score drugs. You know how remote my place is—there’s no way for him to find that shit out there. And he’ll either be at the recovery facility or with me and Sherry.”
I glare, astonished he’s considering this. Not considering…decided.
“It’s not what I want, Jax—youknowthat. But I’ve wracked my brain to think of another solution, and...” He falters, looking bereft. “I’ve got nothing.”
“But how is this going to work? When will we see each other?”
His eyes glass. He says nothing as his throat bobs.
“Oh my god. We’re not going to, are we?”
“I don’t see how we can stay together if I do this. And it’s not a choice. I have to help Remy.”
My knees buckle and he grips me tighter, holding me up. “But why?” I cry. “He’s already done rehabs, dry-out stints, meetings. Been to jail. His parents threatened him with his trust fund.None of it has changed anything.He’s still being a selfish prick.”
“I owe a debt,” Mick whispers. “And it’s time to pay up.”
Tears trickle down my cheeks. This again. “That’s one hell of a price tag.”
“Remy is my best friend. He and his family were there when I needed them. They gave me a safe place to land, a home away from the shitty fucking one I had. Away from abuse that lasted for years.” He swallows, meeting my tortured gaze, a tear slipping down his own cheek. “Rem needs me now. I can’t abandon him. It’s my turn to try and save his life.”
“But we love each other. What we have is…” my voice breaks, “everything.”
“I know, baby. I know.”
My fingers grip his sides. “Then let’s talk about how to make it work.”
“Jax,” he implores, his hand smoothing my hair. “This situation is going to takemonths.Maybe longer. I willnotput your life on hold or allow you to be shackled just because I am. I willnotask you to wait for me when I have no idea how long it’s going to take. I willnotruin your life at my expense.”
Tears streak down my face. “But I will.”
Mick squeezes his eyes shut before pinning me with those gray eyes. “I know…and it’s not right.”
“Yes, it is…because I love you more than I do myself. There isno onerighter for me than you. You areeverythingto me. I would wait five lifetimes for you if I had to. That’s how perfect you are,weare.”
His eyes flare. “You think I don’t feel the same? That I don’t love you more than I do myself? I have never loved a soul the way I do you. You are the reason my heart even fucking beats. But I love youtoo muchto allow you to waste time hoping for something that now seems impossible. Don’t you see, Jax? This situation with Remy isn’t about how long this newest BS is going to take… six months, a year, two years…it’slifelong. Everything has changed between the three of us, and we can’t go back in time to change it. We can’tgo backto being friends. The three of us can’t even hang out because there’s too much history, way too much intensity, and his wife will never understand any of it, let alone accept it.”
It’s all my fears realized. The sense of foreboding that’s hovered like a cloud finally unleashing its storm.
