Page 155 of When There Was You
“You’re going to keep that rock on your left hand the whole time, right?”
I nod, grinning now.
“Tell the world you’re engaged to thebestman you’ve ever known?”
More nodding.
He cups my face. “Say you’re mine, Sundance. Only mine.”
“I’m all yours, Lumberjack. Only yours. There’s no question about it.”
“I still don’t like it, but I trust you…and I trust us.”
As he kisses me, I fully absorb these words I needed to hear and tuck them inside my heart for safekeeping.
Butch takesme to the airport. After opening my door at the curb in the departures drop-off area, he sets my suitcase beside me on the sidewalk. His hand threads through mine. “I hate that you’re going alone.”
“I’m fine…I promise. I love you.”
He cradles my face and my hair whips in the wind. “I love you, baby. Call me so I know you arrived safely.”
We share a fierce kiss, our bodies pressing against each other, then I take my bag and disappear through the automatic glass doors.
Ninety minutes later, I’m in the air, my thoughts swirling.
It’s been five years since I’ve seen Mickor Remy. My best friends. My lovers. The men who left a gaping hole—one that’s been hard to repair—in my heart.
I’m not naïve enough to believe that what we shared could last forever, especially with the complications of our...unusualrelationship.
But god, I miss them.
Shifting in my airline seat to gaze out the tiny oval window, patches of landscape blink through the clouds as this titanium contraption hurtles across the earth, California drawing me to my native shores.
Even though I’ve moved on, the nagging feeling something tangible is missing lingers, like the soldier who experiences a phantom limb after an amputation.
Maybe a part of my heart will always be missing because it will always be theirs. Or perhaps seeing them will heal this fissure and make it whole again.
Inhaling a fortifying breath, I settle against the headrest.
Endeavoring to open the box we shut all those years ago may very well be a fool’s errand, but with my wedding on the horizon...I need to close that box once and for all.
My gorgeous engagement ring snags my attention, and I press it to my lips, reminding myself of Butch’s essence. His strength is my strength, and even through this symbol, it infiltrates me, soothes me, grounds me.
I read, doze, and allow thoughts to come and go like summer insects.
When the aircraft touches down in San Francisco, I deboard and make my way to the rental car company. A short while later, I’m driving toward the Pacific, needing to see, smell, and inhale the coastline I’ve missed so terribly.
I’m out of the vehicle at the first opportunity, and every cell in my body jerks awake and alert, gulping the ocean air and reminding me viscerally of where I am.
California.
Home.
A huff of surprise leaves my lips. I stand before the majestic sea as realization dawns. No matter where I go, where I rest my head at night, California is in my bones, my blood, my DNA. It will always be home along with whatever state I currently reside.
“Did you get in okay?”
Butch’s deep voice is a salve after a long day of travel. I cradle the hotel phone, curled on my side in the middle of a massive king-size bed. “I did, baby.”
