Page 154 of When There Was You
My pulse pounds in my ears. I need to get a hold ofmyself. “Yeah,” I whisper. “Just…”Just what? Thinking about my ex-boyfriends? Ex-lovers?
The mattress dips as my husband-to-be sits beside me, one of his huge hands rubbing up and down my spine in a soothing gesture. “What’s wrong?”
This is the moment of truth, isn’t it? The moment I tell him about my past, and he either shuns me or continues loving me.
I have to tell him, don’t I? Otherwise, it’s like lying…or at least, keeping something important from him. I promised never to do that again.
The pounding of my heart amps up again as I sit upright and rub my knuckles over my chest, avoiding his gaze. “Can I talk to you about something you might find difficult?”
“You know you can tell me anything, Jacqui.”
I reach for his hand, and he squeezes it against mine. It’s comforting, and I’m in blind faith mode. “There will be old friends…and ex-boyfriends,” I say slowly, “at the funeral.”
He makes a humming noise.
“I’m a little stressed about it, I think because one particular relationship was…non-traditional…and ended badly.”
“Non-traditional?” he questions.
My heartbeat escalates to battering ram status and I force out a breath. “I loved two guys, who were best friends, and they loved me too.”
He freezes, eyes darting away as he takes a minute that I desperately try not to fill with nervous chatter. “Sounds messy. And like a recipe for disaster.”
“It had some messy moments,” I admit. “Until we…” I can’t say it.
Butch squeezes my hand reassuringly, urging me on, reminding me that he’s my rock. God, I love him. It’s this thought I cling to as more words spill. “Please keep an open mind when I say this.”
He nods.
“We all decided to share each other and our love.” I venture a glance at my fiancé and his eyebrows raise, but there’s no condemnation. Yet.
His expression turns puzzled as he probably tries not to think about the physical equation. “I’d ask how that all worked out except you’re here, engaged to me, and not there, so…”
A humorless laugh escapes. “Pretty much. It went surprisingly alright at first. Then it blew up spectacularly.”
“Do you still have feelings for these guys? Are you having second thoughts about us?” There’s tension in his voice.
“No!” I turn to Butch, cup his jaw and press my lips to his. “No,” I reiterate.
He pulls back, green eyes blazing with intensity. “Then you changed your mind and want my domineering presence by your side as I stare those motherfuckers down?”
My loud laughter erupts. “Not necessary, Mr. Possessive and All Mine. There’s a little unfinished business, and I’m just…I haven’t thought about any of this in years.” The result of so many blessings, chiefly the man sitting next to me. “Happily so,” I add.
Butch sighs, sounding frustrated. “What kind of unfinished business?”
Remy.A pang pulses through me. “The kind where there was no goodbye of any sort with one of them, during which he met and married someone. I was hurt and angry for a long time about how he treated me. I’m wondering if seeing him will lead to a confrontation.”
“I don’t like it.”
I stroke Butch’s hair where it curls at the nape then let my fingers travel down his thick muscular neck. “It might not happen. I’m there to pay respects to Terry and his family. I’m not trying to worry you.”
“What about the other idiot?”
Mick.Another pang. “He gave me a proper break-up, if there is such a thing.” Boy, did he. A part of that still zings.
His gaze fastens on me. “I guess it’s safe to assume these guys are morons for letting you go.”
“True statement.” I smile at him, forcing all my love and adoration into my expression.
