Page 137 of When There Was You
My fingers rest against his thigh, and my gut twists uncomfortably.
“I’m not trying to overburden you, but if I don’t say this, I’m going to detonate, and it won’t be pretty.”
I swallow, waiting. He puts a hand over mine.
“I’ve given myself over to this relationship—and I’m fully committed. It’s a small miracle you showed up in my life and that I recognized what you were,are, which is a second chance. An opportunity to open my heart, share something meaningful with another person, and expand the possibilities for a future I’d abandoned.”
My breath suspends as I freeze.
“A huge part of us—this—working…is about trust. Very early on, I brought this up to you as my biggest problem. After what happened with my ex, I lost faith. A piece of me died, and I let it stay buried. I’ve intentionally kept interactions with women impersonal and short-lived…until you. Because it’s not just my heart on the chopping block but Emmy’s. The stakes are enormous.”
I manage a nod, fear lodging in my throat as I sense where he’s going. He’s upset with me. Is he ending it?
“You slammed into my life like a fucking hurricane. Even that first night, in your hotel room. We just…hit it off. It was easy, comfortable. And the sex? Unbelievable. You rocked my whole world in a few hours. Part of me hated leaving you without a name, a phone number, a chance to explore what it could be.” He huffs an incredulous laugh. “And then you show up on my damned doorstep, gift wrapped. I knew withinminutesI was screwed.”
“Me too,” I murmur.
“Despite my good intentions to go slow, we’ve sped right along. Let me be clear, I have no regrets. I love you, and I know you love me.”
“But…”It comes out as a whisper, barely a breath.
“But goddamn it, you blindsided the fuck out of me. I hadnoidea you’ve been dealing with your scum boss harassing you. What happened at your office partymonths agoand thentoday? And everything in between? You kept this to yourself, as if you don’t…trust me. That hurts.” His voice turns hoarse, his pain broadcasting straight into my chest. “It’s making me question what we’re doing here.”
I clutch his hands with mine, willing him to look at me. “No!” I choke out. “Please… I was scared. Confused. And wrong. I desperately wanted your advice. You’re the one person Icanturn to, but the whole thing with your dad...I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to cause problems for your family.”
His head hangs, shakes as if he doesn’t think that’s a good reason, and our hands separate.
I try to form the right words. “I’m not used to people being in my corner. Everyone leaves.”
His face turns toward me, eyes softening.
“I’ve been so lost…” Tears trickle down my cheeks. “But you make me feel like Imatter.I’ve never had anyone show up for me like you have. I’m starting to believe you have my back in a way no one ever ha…has.” My voice breaks and I swallow. “Not even my own parents.” The truth of it cuts deep.
Butch’s hand covers mine. “You do matter, Jacqui.”
“And your family…they’ve all opened their arms. Act like I belong here. Your mother told me…” The tears fall harder now and my breaths stutter. Butch strokes the back of my hand with his thumb and I cling to the sight of it. “She told me that I was part of the family today—and I almost went to pieces.”
“Everyone here has fallen for you, Sundance. Not just me.”
I meet his gaze through watery eyes. “With you, I see nothing but possibility. I see an incredible man who values and treasures the people closest to him. A man who is selfless, giving, and loving.”
“And a total stud in the bedroom?” His eyes shine, lighter now.
A wet laugh escapes, and it brings some relief. “Beyond. Way,waybeyond.”
He fingers shift errant strands of hair away from my eyes and across my shoulder as he stares at me intently. “You know why, right?”
“Because we love each other?”
“This is bigger than love. I got a taste of it even that first day. I couldn’t explain it, tried ignoring it, but there’s no denying it any longer. It’s like an exploration every fucking time. You mean more to me every minute.”
My tears slow, and he thumbs them away. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “Please don’t give up on me, onus. I trust you with all of me. And you did protect me today by teaching me how to be on the offense, not just defense.It’s the first time I didn’t feel powerless.” I shove away the visual of Don’s penis in my face. “I will never lie to you again.”
Butch’s eyes turn glassy. I crawl into his lap, and we embrace tightly, his heartbeats thumping against my own.
“I love you so fucking much,” he rasps.
“I love you more. You mean everything to me.”
