Page 69 of Love, Second Chances and Other Nonsense
“I need to go inside,” I say finally, because I don’t know what else to say. Because if I stay out here with him any longer, I might do something stupid like cry. Or worse, forgive him.
He nods, stepping aside to clear my path to the door. “I understand. I’ll go. But, Caitlin…” He pauses, waiting until I look at him again. “I meant what I said. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be around if you ever want to talk.”
“Don’t hold your breath,” I mutter, fumbling with my keys.
Adam backs away, hands raised in surrender. “Fair enough. See you around, Caitlin.”
I watch him walk to his truck and drive away. Only when he’s completely out of sight do I let myself into the townhouse, sagging against the closed door.
Rachel must be at her boyfriend’s place. The empty house is a relief. I need space to think, to process what just happened. Adam, here in Cedar City. Adam, apparently standing up to his mother and Millie. Adam, still in love with me.
Part of me wants to believe him. Part of me wants to run after him and tell him I’ve missed him too, that I still love him, that maybe we could try again. But the wiser part of me, the part that remembers all too well the hurt and humiliation, knows better. Words are easy. Actions take time.
On impulse, I pull out my phone and find Daniel’s number in my messages. With fingers that shake only slightly, I type: “I think I’d like to get coffee after all. How about Saturday?” I hit send before I can change my mind.
The reply comes almost immediately: “Saturday works. 10am at Perks? Looking forward to it.”
I stare at the message, feeling a strange mix of emotions: anticipation, guilt, defiance. I don’t owe Adam anything. He broke my heart. He left me when I needed him most. That he’s here now, that he claims to have changed, doesn’t erase that.
I slip my phone back into my pocket and head for the shower, determined to wash away the day’s tears and confusion. Adam Kelley might have moved to Cedar City, but that doesn’t mean he gets to move back into my heart. I’ve worked too hard to put myself back together to risk breaking again.
Still, as I stand under the hot spray, I can’t help but wonder what might have been if he had found his courage sooner. And what might still be, if he really has changed.
23
Chapter 23
Adam
I drive the streets of Cedar City with no particular destination in mind. One week in Oregon, and the sum total of my achievements consists of finding an apartment and not calling Caitlin every hour on the hour. The “grand romantic gesture” of moving across the country now seems less like a bold declaration of love and more like the desperate act of a man who didn’t think beyond step one: Get to Oregon. What comes next remains a mystery, even to me.
“Brilliant plan, Adam,” I mutter to myself, turning onto what I think is Main Street. “Move two thousand miles with no job, no friends, and no actual strategy for winning back the woman who explicitly told you she wants nothing to do with you.”
If Caitlin hadn’t told me that Cedar City was once a sleepy little farming town, I wouldn’t believe it now. New boutiques line the streets, their windows displaying artisanal goods at pricesthat make me wince. A coffee shop on the corner advertises single-origin beans and pour-over methods. It certainly is a far cry from Mount Pella.
I slow as I approach a familiar storefront. Louise’s Table sits on the corner, its old-fashioned sign with the coffee cup sending up painted steam a stark contrast to the sleek, minimalist signage of the businesses surrounding it. The last time I was here was in November, and Caitlin’s uncle had made it clear I wasn’t welcome. I’d stood on the sidewalk, watching through the window, desperate for even a glimpse of her.
My hands tighten on the steering wheel as I remember the way he’d pointedly drawn the blinds when he’d spotted me. Message received loud and clear.
But today, something catches my eye that wasn’t there before. A small sign in the window: “Help Wanted. Inquire Within.”
I circle the block, park in the small lot behind the restaurant, and sit in my car, staring at the back entrance. An idea forms, so outlandish that I almost laugh out loud.
What if I applied for the job?
I can’t decide whether it’s the best idea I’ve ever had or the worst.
On the one hand, it would give me a legitimate reason to be near Caitlin. I could show her through consistent daily actions that I’ve changed, that I’m putting her first, that I can be the man she deserves. I’d heard they were struggling; my landlord had been full of gossip when I asked about the restaurant while I was signing my lease. Maybe I could use the skills I’d picked up in Colorado when I’d worked in construction or from running my family’s company to help?
On the other hand, she might see it as manipulative, as another attempt to force my way into her life. It might make heruncomfortable in the one place she’s always felt at home. And that was the last thing I wanted.
And then there’s Peter to consider. Would he even hire me? The man looked like he wanted to punch me when I showed up at his house in November. His opinion of me was obviously in the gutter then, and for good reason. I can’t imagine he’s changed it.
I drum my fingers against the steering wheel, weighing options.
If I want Caitlin back, and God do I, I need to stop overthinking and start acting. I need to prove to her that I’ve changed, that I’ll put her first, always, no matter what.
I know it’s not likely that Peter would hire me. I know it’s even less likely that Caitlin will ever take me back. But if there is even the smallest chance I can show her that the man she fell in love with in Colorado is still here, that he’s learned from his mistakes, that he’ll never let her down again?
