Page 18 of Love, Second Chances and Other Nonsense
“Madison,” I supply automatically.
“Yeah, her. She didn’t do a bit of work on the project you were assigned to do together, and you didn’t say a thing because she claimed her dog had died that week.”
I laugh despite myself. “That was different.”
“Was it? You’re doing the same thing now. Being so understanding of everyone else’s needs you ignore your own.”
The truth of her words hits me. “So what am I supposed to do? Give him an ultimatum? Her or me?”
What if he picks her?
Rachel shakes her head. “No, but you can tell him how you feel without apologizing for feeling it. You can set boundaries without being the bad guy.”
“Like what?”
“Like ‘we need to spend time together that’s just us.’ Or ‘I need you to come home by a certain time.’ Or even just ‘I need you to see me, really see me, because I’m drowning here.’”
I swallow hard, feeling the truth of it. I am drowning. Every day a little more water fills my lungs, and I’ve been so busy trying to stay afloat without making waves I haven’t even called for help.
“You deserve to be seen, Caitlin,” Rachel says softly. “You deserve to be chosen, every day.”
My throat aches, and I can’t bring myself to respond.
Rachel leans forward and starts rummaging through the things on the coffee table in front of her. “I’m going to send you some crystals. Bloodstone for courage and resilience. Tiger’s Eye for strength. Black tourmaline protects against negative energy. Moonstone. Maybe a few others.“
“Rachel, you know I don’t believe in that stuff.” But the thought touches me deeply, and I can’t help but smile.
She shrugs. “I know, but it can’t hurt. And hey, if they don’t help you feel better, you could just throw them at Millie’s stupid fiancé stealing face.”
I can’t help but laugh at this. I’m still laughing when I hear the door open and Adam’s voice in the living room. “Caitlin? You home?”
“Oh, he’s home!” I whisper to Rachel.
“Perfect timing,” Rachel says. “Remember: no apologizing for how you feel. I forbid it. I love you. Call me after.”
She ends the call just as Adam walks into the bedroom.
I sit up and take a deep breath. I need to get this out before my courage deserts me. “Where have you been, Adam?”
He blinks, surprised by the hint of sharpness in my voice. “You know Mom asked me to drop some stuff off for Millie and Rhonda.”
“You said it would take a few minutes. You’ve been gone for over two hours.”
Adam shrugs. “Rhonda needed some help with a loose banister and a few other things. It’s not a big deal.”
“It is a big deal! We never just have an evening to ourselves anymore.”
“Okay, well, I’m home now. What do you want to do?”
“Adam,” I pause, searching for the right words. “I don’t know who I am to you anymore.” My voice comes out steadier than I expected. “I’ve been trying so hard to be understanding about what Millie’s going through that I’ve let myself become invisible.”
“You’re not invisible, Caitlin.”
“Really? When was the last time we spent an entire day together? When was the last time you asked me about my day? When was the last time we went on a date?”
He opens his mouth, then closes it again, the answer clearly escaping him.
“We’ve spent one afternoon together in three months. I know Millie needs support,” I continue, emboldened by his silence. “Butt I need to matter too. I need to be a priority in your life, not an afterthought.”
