Page 116 of Love, Second Chances and Other Nonsense
He shifts slightly, wincing at the movement. “It was good… to see Caitlin earlier.” His words come slowly, each one requiring effort. “She looks well.”
“She is.” I can’t help the small smile that forms at the mention of her name. “She’s amazing, actually.”
Dad’s lips curve into a smile of his own. “You two… working things out?”
I nod, surprised by his perceptiveness. “Trying to. I thought I’d lost her forever, you know. After everything that happened, after all the ways I hurt her…” I trail off, the familiar shame rising in my throat. “But by some miracle, she’s giving me another chance.”
“Good.” Dad’s eyes close briefly, then reopen with what seems like tremendous effort. “She deserved better… than how we treated her. All of us.”
“Yes, she did,” I agree quietly.
“And so did you, son.” The words hang between us, unexpected and weighty. “You deserved better too.”
I stare at him, not sure what to say.
He takes a labored breath. “You deserved… a father who was present. Who stood up for you.” His hand tightens around mine with surprising strength. “Paula should have loved you… for who you were. Not who she wanted you to be.”
Something shifts in my chest, a tightness I’ve carried for so long I barely notice it anymore. “Dad—”
“No, let me finish.” He struggles to sit up slightly, and I adjust his pillow to help him. “I was wrong, Adam. So wrong. I let Paula… manipulate you. Control you. I knew what she was doing with Millie, with all of it.” Tears gather in the corners of his eyes. “And I did nothing.”
The monitor beside the bed beeps a little faster, and I worry this conversation is too much for him. “Dad, you don’t have to—”
“I do,” he insists. “I do have to say it. I’ve been… thinking about this for months. Since before…” He gestures vaguely at the hospital room, at his current condition. “I’m sorry, Adam. So sorry for not stopping Paula, for not standing up for you.”
“Why?” I ask, the question escaping before I can stop it. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
Dad closes his eyes, shame evident in the slump of his shoulders. “Cowardice,” he admits. “It was easier to… let her have her way. To not rock the boat. My entire life…I’ve been not saying anything. Never taking a stand.” His eyes open again, meeting mine directly. “But that’s no excuse. I failed you as a father. And I’m sorry.”
The apology is simple, but profound. I think of Caitlin offering me forgiveness in our hotel room last night, of the weight that lifted from my shoulders with her words. I understand now what a gift forgiveness can be; to both the receiver and the giver.
“I forgive you,” I tell him, my voice rough with emotion. “I forgive you, Dad.”
Relief washes over his face, smoothing the lines of pain and worry. “I don’t deserve it,” he says.
I smile sadly, recognizing my own words from last night. “Maybe not. But you have it anyway.”
We sit in silence for a moment, the beeping of the monitor the only sound in the room. Then Dad shifts again, his gaze earnest. “Adam, I know I don’t have the right to ask for anything. But… do you think we could try?” He swallows hard. “To have a real relationship? To start over?”
The question touches something raw inside me, a longing I’ve carried since childhood for a father who sees me, who knowsme, who chooses me. “I’d like that,” I tell him honestly. “I’d like that a lot.”
He smiles, relief clear in every line of his face. “Good. That’s good.”
We’re interrupted by a soft knock at the door. Lauren pokes her head in, her expression alarmed. “Sorry to interrupt,” she says, stepping into the room. She glances at Dad, then back to me. “Adam, there’s a situation out in the waiting room.”
I straighten instantly alert. “What kind of situation?”
Lauren shifts uncomfortably. “Caitlin just came back from the cafeteria. Millie was in the waiting room when she walked in. She saw Caitlin and, well…” She winces. “She’s not taking it well. At all.”
I’m already on my feet and moving to the door before she’s finished talking.
“I’ll gotta go, Dad.” I call over my shoulder. “We’ll come back this evening when everything’s calmed down.”
“I know you will,” Dad says, and the simple faith in his voice follows me as I hurry down the corridor, heart pounding with fear for what Caitlin might be facing.
* * *
I hear Millie before I see her, her voice carrying down the hallway like a siren. My pace quickens, heart hammering against my ribs as I round the corner into the waiting room.
