Page 114 of Love, Second Chances and Other Nonsense
“Can I ask you something?” I say, my heart suddenly hammering in my chest.
“Of course.”
“Earlier, at the hospital, when my mother was being… well, my mother. You told her we were working things out.” I swallow hard, terrified of the answer but needing to know. “Did you mean that? Or was it just something to say, to shut her up?”
Caitlin tilts her head, a small furrow appearing between her brows. “Isn’t that what we’ve been doing? Working things out?”
Her question catches me off guard. “I… I wasn’t sure.”
“Adam,” she says, her voice gentle but firm, “why else would I have wanted to drag up everything that happened last year? Why else would I keep coming back?” She places her hand on the bed next to mine.
I stare at our hands, so close but not quite touching now. “Honestly? I thought we were saying goodbye.”
She goes still. “What?”
“I thought once the house was finished, I’d leave. Go somewhere new, start over.” The admission feels like ripping off a bandage, exposing something raw underneath. “I thought that after all the pain I put you through, you’d be happier if I wasn’t around. That you needed me to finish the house and then disappear from your life.”
Caitlin stares at me, her mouth slightly open, eyes wide with what looks like disbelief. I hadn’t meant to tell her about my plan to leave once the house was finished, but exhaustion and the emotional whiplash of the day had lowered my defenses. Now I can’t take it back, can’t pretend I hadn’t been planning my exit all along.
“You were going to leave?” Her voice is quiet, but there’s an undercurrent of something sharp beneath the surface. “Just finish the house and disappear?”
I swallow hard, unable to meet her eyes. “I thought it would be better for you. After everything I put you through, I figured the kindest thing I could do was finish what I started and then get out of your life.”
“The kindest thing.” She repeats my words slowly. Then she shakes her head, and to my surprise, a flash of anger crosses her face. “No. Absolutely not.”
“Caitlin—”
“You don’t get to do that, Adam.” Her voice rises slightly, hands clenched in her lap. “You don’t get to decide what’s best for me without even asking. You don’t get to run away.”
I blink, startled by her vehemence. “I’m not running away. I’m trying to do the right thing.”
“The right thing?” She pushes the pizza box aside and shifts closer to me on the bed. “The right thing would be asking me what I want instead of making unilateral decisions about our future.”
“You’re right,” I say quietly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have.”
“No, you shouldn’t.” Her eyes soften slightly. “Adam, do you want to know what I want?”
I nod, not trusting myself to speak.
“I want you to stay.” The simple declaration makes my heart stutter in my chest. “I don’t want you to disappear from my life. I’ve spent months without you, and it was horrible. I don’t want to do it again.”
“But after everything that happened—”
“Yes, a lot of bad things happened.” She cuts me off, leaning forward to take my hands in hers. Her fingers are warm against mine. “But good things are happening too. We’re talking now, really talking. We’re working through the hard stuff instead ofavoiding it. We’re building something together, something built on trust and understanding.”
I stare at our joined hands, hardly daring to believe what I’m hearing. “I keep waiting for you to realize you deserve better than me.”
“That’s not your decision to make.” Her fingers tighten around mine. “Do you hear me, Adam Kelley? You don’t get to decide what I deserve or what I want. Only I get to do that.”
The fierceness in her voice, the determined set of her jaw, makes something long-dormant flutter in my chest. Hope.
“I’m sorry,” I say again, meaning it more deeply than I can express. “I’m sorry for trying to make decisions for you. I’m sorry for thinking I knew what was best. And I know I keep saying it, but it will never be enough. I’m sorry for everything I put you through here. For Millie, for my family, for all of it.” I squeeze her hands, willing her to feel the sincerity behind my words. “And I promise you this: as long as you want me in your life, in whatever capacity, I will be there. I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me to go.”
She studies my face, searching for something. Whatever she finds seems to satisfy her, because her expression softens. “Good. Because if you tried to sneak away, I’ll just hunt you down. And I’ll bring Rachel with me and let her loose on you.”
A startled laugh escapes me. “Well, that’s definitely scary enough to keep me in line. Your cousin terrifies me.”
“Exactly.” She smiles, but it fades quickly into something more serious. “When I say I want you to stay, Adam, I mean it. But I also need you to be sure that staying is what you want too. Not just what you think I want, not what you think you owe me, but what you genuinely want for yourself.”
