Page 109 of When We Had Forever
Okay. I’m getting distracted.
Grayson takes a seat on the edge of the bed. I spin the desk chair to face him, close enough that I could reach out if I wanted.
Which I absolutely don’t.
“I’m sorry.” He clears his throat. Crystal droplets spangle his chest and cheeks, each one competing for attention in the overly cheerful lamplight. “It’s the first and last thing I’ll say, because I want you to know that above all else. I’m so sorry, Mina. I never meant to lie to you, or hurt you. I know I’ve made some terrible choices—reallyterrible choices—but they were never malicious. And I never had anything but love for you. I still have nothing but love for you.”
I gulp against a prickly throat. “You’ll forgive me if I find that a little hard to believe.”
“I know.” He finger-combs his wet hair back. A few strands fall right back down to kiss the end of his nose. “So I’ll try to explain in a way that makes sense. I just don’t know where to start.”
I consider. Not at the beginning. I’ve already deduced that much myself—namely that Grayson came to Seagrove on a work retreat, just nothiswork retreat. It must have been Michael’s, because Brooke and Sarah and everyone else at Forsythe & Winter thought that’s who he was. He was using Michael’s name. Driving Michael’s car. Living Michael’s life.
“How about you tell me why you were impersonating your brother when we met?”
He nods, short and precise, as if in relief. “That’s easy. Because Michael was in rehab, and he didn’t want anyone at work to know. He’d only been at Forsythe & Winter for two years, but he’d already made a name for himself—big-shot architect with big-shot potential, that kind of thing. He had a lot to live up to. But his drinking had gotten bad enough that he had to do something about it, and he wasn’t the kind of person who could bear to show weakness. So instead of asking for personal time, he came to me.”
I frown. “Okay. Go on.”
He sighs. “At the time, I was just this broke, hungry kid who liked to take pictures. I had nowhere to be, and I would’ve done anything to fix things between us. So when he asked me to pose as him for a couple months, I jumped on it. All I had to do was show up at his office, be a dick like he would’ve, and pretend to know what the hell I was talking about. Which was surprisingly easy, considering I know nothing about architecture. Meanwhile, Michael did all the actual work, from his treatment center.”
I nod along, taken aback only by how much sense that makes. I recognize Michael’s reasoning all over it. And what Sarah and Brooke said all those years ago about him acting strange... “Why the hell didn’t you tell me that, though? When I got in the car with you?”
Grayson’s mouth pulls into a wistful curve. “I tried.”
I glower. “You’re supposed to be telling me the truth right now.”
“I am, I am. I promise.” He raises his hands, fingers spread. “I was going to give you the whole story right then and there. But then you asked if I was Michael, and I asked whether you’d still come to Seattle if not. At which point you tried to get out. So I did lie, at least a little bit, just that once. Because I really, really didn’t want you to get out, Mina. Believe it or not, I already knew. I already fucking knew you were going to break my heart, and I was such a cocky bastard I thought everything would turn out fine. I was looking forward to it, actually. I thought it might be fun.”
“And was it? Fun?”
His hands flop into his lap. “No. It was horrible. Zero out of five stars. Would not recommend.”
The glimmer of humor eases me into the conversation. Maybe I can do this, after all. “Okay. So you were young and hopeful. Keep going.”
“I don’t know about hopeful.” He scoffs. “More like arrogant. If I could go back and slap twenty-five-year-old Grayson, I would.”
“No, don’t. He was charming,” I say faintly, then mash my lips together. Am I...defendinghim?
“He was an idiot.” His tone grows clipped. “He was still young enough and stupid enough to know everything, and he thought he’d already overcome life’s biggest challenge. He figured he’d been knocked down and gotten right back up again. He had absolutely no idea how wrong he was.”
“What had knocked you down?”
He pierces me with a look. “You know.”
“Right. Lily.” When my lips finally shape her name, it’s like letting go of a weight I’ve been carrying around for a decade and a half. “You loved her a lot, didn’t you?”
“What?” He braces his hands on his thighs and frowns. “No.Michaeldid. I explained that to you. When we met.”
I flick my head a few times, trying to clear the haze. I remember coming across Grayson’s license in the Audi’s glove box, but... No, that wasMichael’swretched pain captured on film. Which means... “You’re telling me my husband had a fiancée? A woman he was supposed to marry before me? Who died? Because he never mentioned that, not once.”
His eyebrows crook. “Probably because he realized I’d already told you the story from the other way around. So he couldn’t, really. Not to mention he wasn’t exactly the most forthcoming guy in the world.”
I sit back like he’s just knocked the wind out of me. That...can’t be right. “But if Michael was supposed to marry Lily, does that mean she died because of you?”
“Yeah,” he says. “Like I told you in the car that day.”
“Youkilled her?”
