Page 38 of When We Had Forever
“I haven’t bought my ticket yet,” I say.
He sucks in a breath and sets his glass on the coffee table. It’s hard to tell in the dimness, but I swear his hand shakes. “Why not? Are you not making enough at that mortgage place?”
“No, they’re paying me fine. I’m just not sure I want to go anymore.”
He leans close and cradles my cheek. “But you have to. It means so much more than just you getting on a plane. I know that. You do, too.”
I pull back to get a better look at him, trying to fight the prickle invading my throat. “Are you saying you don’t want me to stay?”
“No. God. I’d cut off my arm for you to stay. But...I wouldn’t cut off yours. If that makes sense.”
I shake my head. I wish I didn’t understand him with such frustrating precision. I also wish I didn’t suspect him of being right. “What if you came with me?”
He makes a pained sound and swings away. I feel his absence like a cold gust of winter.
“I can’t, Mina.”
“Can’t? Why not? You must have plenty saved up, from what I can tell. And I know you’d have to quit, but...is your job really that irreplaceable? You barely talk about it. It doesn’t seem like you even like it all that much.”
He stares out the window, his profile lit by the glow from the harbor. “It’s not that simple. I have...obligations.”
I frown.Obligationssounds so unlike him that I can’t imagine what that means. “To who?”
“My brother.”
I blink, rapid-fire. “I thought you two didn’t talk.”
“Wedidn’t.” He rubs at his temples. “For almost a year after Lily died. But lately he’s been...going through a hard time, and I’ve been helping him. Or trying to. We haven’t actually seen each other yet, but we’ve been talking again over the past couple months. This might finally be my chance to fix things. I have to be here for it.”
The past couple months. I’d almost forgotten Sarah’s and Brooke’s insistence about him behaving strangely, but this explains it. Finally.
I start to reach out. Except Michael withdraws in a way I’m not accustomed to, his shoulders hunching.
My heart softens. “Then you’re right. You should stay, until things are back on solid ground. How long do you think that’ll take? Six months? A year? I could wait. We could go after, when you’re ready.”
He stabs a hand through his hair, which flops right back over his forehead the moment he lets go. “But that’s just it. That’s what people always say. And then they never go. They neverlive. I can’t let you fall into that trap for my sake. I just know if you don’t go now...”
He doesn’t finish, but he doesn’t have to. When he looks up, his expression does it for him.
“When I brought you here,” he says, “I knew you’d break my heart. And I’m prepared for that. I’mokaywith it.”
Something inside me snaps clean in two. “What if I’m not?”
His eyes grow suspiciously bright, even in the dark. I imagine a death-row convict on execution day would look exactly like he does right now.
“I won’t pretend I’m noble enough to stop you from staying,” he says. “But that’s not what I actuallywantfor you, Mina. I want you to go and spread your wings. All those dreams you had as a kid? I want every last one of them to come true.”
I inhale sharply. “And you?”
“Will be right here. Hoping to fucking god that you come back to me once they do.”
“Michael, I—”
“Don’t.” His forehead pleats. “Because I’m about a millisecond away from asking you to forget everything I just said. So don’t answer. Just...think about it. Please. You don’t have to decide anything yet. We still have four days.”
Four days. It sounds like a blink. It sounds like an eternity. But I do know one thing. If I give myself to him, if we consummate this sublime fever dream, I won’t ever tear myself away.
Later, in the bedroom, Michael murmurs in the dark. “Tell me something?”
