Page 43 of The Dark Lord Awakens

“No, I would not,” I said firmly. “And you can stop with the Dark Lord statistical comparisons. I get it—I’m weird.”

[Noted. Helpdesk Supreme will update your customer profile to ‘Extremely Atypical Dark Lord with Concerning Humanitarian Tendencies and Sensitivity About Being Compared to Peers.’]

“You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?”

[Helpdesk Supreme does not possess the capacity for purposeful antagonism. This unit is programmed solely for optimal customer satisfaction. Your emergency relief package has been calculated. Total cost: 179,842 OpenTokens. Would you like to review the contents before confirming?]

[For a comprehensive three-day emergency relief package, Helpdesk Supreme recommends the following:

30,000 units of liquid nutrition supplement for severely malnourished individuals

200,000 ready-to-eat meals (various types)

120,000 gallons of purified water

10,000 water purification tablets

5,000 portable shelter units

8,000 hygiene kits

2,000 portable cooking stations with fuel

500 medical supply kits