Page 124 of One More Chance
Horrified and stunned, I shook my head. “Violet-"
“Thank you.” She said it with tears brimming in her eyes. “Thank you for finding me, Daddy.”
Oh fuck, she's like Charlie and me. No please god, why?
I moved to her side and wrapped my arms around her as she broke down, heaving these deep, soul-wracking sobs that soaked through my shirt. I held her and kissed the top of her head as I cried with her, and whispered the only truth that mattered over and over into her hair.
"I love you. You're safe now."
Fuck, I couldn't save her.
The grim realization of just how little I could control hit me then. I had done everything I could to protect her in this life, and despite it all, she had somehow come back with those memories. A life of pain and sorrow that I knew I could never empathize with, much less understand.
Fuck you gods. Fuck your twisted god damn games.
I tried to wrap my mind around the horrors she would have seen, the unspeakable nightmare her life must have been after she'd been kidnapped… but I couldn't. I literally lacked the capacity to comprehend a life that would have been as dehumanizing and terrifying as what my baby girl would have experienced.
We sat like that, us crying and me soothing her, for hours. The staff checked in once, then gave us space and privacy as she shattered into a million jagged pieces.
"I love you," I whispered. "I'm here for whatever you need. In this life, you are safe."
At some point, I realized I wasn't only saying it to her; I was saying it for myself, to reinforce that she really was here and whole. I whispered that mantra until I'd become hoarse and her sobs quieted to whimpers.
Eventually, she sat up. We sipped water and blew our noses. I looked at her and saw that she'd cried so hard she'd burst blood vessels around her eyes.
"Oh god." I reached out and tenderly touched her temples. "Your eyes are fucked."
She chuckled at that. "I don't care. I've been holding that in since this morning."
I gave her a sad smile before dropping my hand. "When did you know?"
She quieted then, her posture going rigid as she tried to hide the tension in her body. "Since last night."
I closed my eyes as hot fresh pain tore my chest. "Violet, you know that if you ever want to talk-"
"No." She said with finality. "No. I don't ever want to remember. I'm not there anymore. I'm here."
With that, she rested her head on my chest as I wrapped an arm around her. She wasn't crying anymore, but her breathing still stuttered now and then.
"Violet. We both know that's not the healthy response. You were raised in this life with the tools to emotionally regulate and you have access to a therapist."
She reached up and grabbed the collar of my shirt between her thumb and index finger, rubbing the fabric repeatedly. It was a habit she'd learned from her mother, an anxiety tick she hadn't done in years.
"I know," she whispered. "But, I have all those years fighting for space in my head against what I know from this life. Everything feels… wrong. Fake. Like this is a dream and I am going to wake up again – owned by someone else."
My grip on her tightened as I kissed the top of her head. "Never again, Violet. I will bury whoever I need to again."
She chuckled at that. "Well, don't tell me where, yet. I'll ask when I'm ready."
We held each other for a while. When the server came by, quietly refilling our waters and dropping off extra napkins, neither of us made an effort to move. I gave the server a silent thank you, making the mental note to hook her up with a huge tip.
We stayed like that, a father and daughter bound not only by love but by a secret they shared. When she did look up at me her eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, but also filled with something I hadn’t expected.
Joy.
She said, “Thank you for becoming a better person for us, Daddy.”
My throat closed and I struggled to speak past the lump that had formed. “Of course. I love you, Violet. I love Liam. I couldn’t make the same mistakes again.”
