Page 123 of One More Chance
Inside her room, she walked around slowly, running her fingers across the mattress, greeting her roommate with a quiet, “Hey.”
I introduced myself to the girl’s mom and we laughed together about the chaos of college move-in day, the absurdity, the emotions, and the full car trunks.
That afternoon, Violet and I went to a small Italian restaurant near campus that prided itself on being Celiac safe, which was a shock given how hard it was to find safe foods for her. We squeezed into a secluded corner booth, and it felt as if we had the whole place to ourselves.
She sat across from me, and I could tell something was on her mind. There was a darkness behind her eyes that was more than nerves. She looked… haunted. After we received our drinks and food, I decided it was time to pry.
“Honey,” I said gently, “do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”
"Just thinking about how different the next few years are going to be." She paused, then asked, “The pandemic… that was a scary time, wasn’t it?”
The question caught me off guard. “What? Oh, yeah. It was pretty horrific.”
Especially all the shit I was trying to fix or stop from happening to us.
She took a sip of her tea. "You and Mom were going through a lot, even before the virus hit."
"That's a hell of an understatement," I said with a laugh, painfully aware of how much of a major fuck-up I must look like to her now.
"I remember how distant and distracted and… cold you used to be."
Oh Violet…
I thought of a hundred different ways to apologize for the Old Me that hadn't been there for her, that didn't cherish her. I opened my mouth, but before I could say anything she spoke.
"You changed so rapidly. Like… like somebody flipped a switch."
"I'm sorry, Vio-"
"No," she interrupted me, "Daddy, no. I'm not saying any of this to make you feel bad. I'm glad you changed."
"So am I." Decades of shame and regret still plagued me occasionally, and this was one of the moments as I stared at her.
She had her mothers face, sharp nose and gorgeous hazel eyes. Her auburn hair was braided just the way Sloane used to do it. Despite starting college, she was still my baby girl.
She was chewing on what she wanted to say next more than on her food. Eventually, she said, “You were a really cool dad back then, you know? Playing games with me online.”
I took a sip of my water, trying to mask the tension rising in my chest. Back then, I wasn’t only playing games with her. I was hunting a monster.
I cleared my throat. “Yeah, well… you were really into that game,Robot Blocks, and I wanted to spend time with you. I still remember those castles and bases we built," I said with a chuckle.
She didn't laugh. "Well, once we started doing all my other extra activities, it was hard to keep going." She gave me an analytical gaze and looked so much like her mother in that moment. "But it was more than that. You were watching out for me."
"Well… yeah. I mean, the internet was a scary place back then. You could never know who was out there. It used to be like the wild west.”
Violet nodded, slowly. “Yeah. I mean, a child predator could totally convince someone to meet them at, like, an abandoned warehouse.”
What?
A flashback of the warehouse struck me then, metal bones strutting from the ground. For a moment, I thought I was having a heart attack, the pain in my chest was so intense. “Baby girl? Is there something you want to tell me?”
“You used my account,” she said, voice quiet but steady. “You pretended to be me. You met someone back then.”
My mouth opened, but nothing came out. If I denied it, I was lying to her. If I admitted it, I was burdening her with a darkness she didn't deserve. How much did she already know and how did she know it?
She looked at me, calm, watchful, reserved. “Those investments you made… they weren't simply luck were they, Daddy?”
She can't be…
