Page 32 of The Knight (Endgame 2)
But he must have smiled more before my mother died. There was always a tinge of sadness to him, as if he couldn’t stop remembering her.
The fact that I looked so similar just made it harder for him. I shudder as I remember Uncle Landon’s marriage proposal, the way I would have been a replacement for her. Disturbing. Disgusting. There’s a difference between wanting someone and loving someone. For my father, who genuinely loved my mother, the likeness had been a sad reminder of what he would never get back.
I turn the page. “‘Tonight he asked me to sneak to the boat house with him. I know he wanted to kiss me. Maybe more. I told him I couldn’t risk leaving, that we might be caught.’”
That gives me pause. I know that she sneaked out with Nina Thomas. Multiple times based on the way she described their antics. So why had she lied to Daddy back then?
But it was still a big deal to be alone with a boy then, especially in high society. It was even a big deal now in the upper echelons of Tanglewood. Girls like me were supposed to attend women-only universities, to get a nice degree in something demure, like ancient mythology, before marrying a nice boy like Justin. And only then should we have sex, according to the strict boundaries laid out by society matrons. That would have been my life. I would have gone into that darkness willingly, never knowing that the nice boys purchased women at dark-room virginity auctions. At least Gabriel Miller is honest about his intentions.
“‘He asked me where I want to go for my honeymoon,’” I read over the gentle drone of the machines. “‘I told him it doesn’t matter. As long as we’re together I can be happy anywhere.’ Well, you guys were just too adorable. I love it.”
My father murmurs something indistinct, eyes still closed.
“Can you hear me, Daddy? Do you recognize her words? I feel so much closer to her, reading this. I know her so much better. Like I can hear her voice in my head.”
No response. I hold back a sigh. He might not wake up, despite what the nurse said.
“‘And so he told me that we’re going to Greece.’” I stumble over the last word. All the times I had talked about mythology, all the times I had dreamed of visiting the ruins, he never told me he’d been. “‘He said I’m the most beautiful woman in the world, his very own Helen of Troy. We’ll leave right after the wedding, that very night.’”
My father’s head thrashes side to side. His mutters grow louder, more disturbed. Something’s bothering him. Is he in pain? But the nurse said he was doing better today.
I lean closer. “Daddy, what’s wrong?”
He makes a low keening sound. The hair on my neck rises.
“Oh God,” I whisper. “Can you hear me? Is it hearing about Mama that’s hurting you?”
“Helen,” he says, like last time.
“I’m sorry, Daddy. I thought you would like hearing her diary, but I’ll stop.”
His eyes flutter open. Confusion clouds his eyes. “Helen?”
“It’s me, Avery. I’m here.”
Slowly he focuses on me, eyes bright with tears. “There you are, my girl. I’ve missed you.”
For months I took care of him every day. Feeding him. Bathing him. I couldn’t afford the kind of full-time care he needed, so I did it myself. And it brought us closer, even if it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
“I’m sorry.”
“Where did you go?”
The day of the auction, two weeks ago, I left the house and never came back. Gabriel Miller hired a full-time nurse to compensate. But Daddy would know I was gone.
“I didn’t want to leave, but I had to do something. I was trying to…” I swallow past my grief. “I was trying to save the house. I’m so sorry, Daddy. It didn’t work.”
His eyebrows press together. “Your mother?”
“I know. She left me the house in trust. But Uncle Landon… I’m sorry. I know you were friends with him, but he borrowed from my trust.” He stole from it, the way Daddy stole from Gabriel Miller. “And when it ran out of money, the court took away the house.”
“How?” His voice is rough from disuse. “How are you paying?”
I realize he means the nursing home. He knew we couldn’t afford full-time care before. Now he’s in the most exclusive facility in the city.
I can’t bring myself to say Gabriel Miller’s name right now, not so soon after confessing that we lost the house. “Someone is helping me pay for it. Don’t worry, Daddy.”
Sorrow fills his eyes. He doesn’t know the illicit details, but he can guess. “My good girl.”
It was the same thing he said to me after I bested him in chess. He always looked more proud after I beat him than when he would win. Except I haven’t won this game. I’ve lost.
