Page 68 of The Hang Up
Jason just sat there feeling like the biggest asshole on the planet. He sure as hell hadn’t done anything to take care of her or Henry, or anyone else for that matter. He’d been selfish. He’d been so caught up in wooing Miriam that he’d lost his own damn nephew.
Henry closed his eyes again and snuggled closer, and Jason fought another wave of self-loathing for having him here in the first place. The poor kid had sat through the trauma of watching Miriam’s stitches—which, of course, was in addition to all the other trauma of the day. But Ellie had insisted on the phone that letting Henry stay while Miriam got fixed up was a good thing.
“He needs to see doctors helping people,” Ellie had assured him. “It’s good for him to know the grown-ups he cares about can get hurt and still be okay and be brave while someone’s taking care of them.”
Miriam was certainly brave. She also deserved a helluva lot more than Jason could give her. So did Henry, for that matter. The little boy felt heavy in his lap, and the burden of caring for him weighed heavier on Jason’s chest.
It’s all your fault.
Ellie had insisted otherwise on the phone, but Jason knew it was true. “That’s his new thing lately, running off,” she’d reminded him.“The doctor said it’s part of his quest for independence. Everything’s okay, Jase. It’s not your fault.”
But everythingwasn’tokay, and itwashis fault.
He knew what he needed to do. He was crazy about Miriam. More than that, he was in love with her. But there wasn’t room in his life for a relationship right now. There just wasn’t. He clearly lacked the bandwidth to protect Henry and Ellie while selfishly starting a relationship of his own. He couldn’t do both, and he hated himself for his failure. For thinking he could possibly have it all.
Miriam looked at him then, her smile shattering his stupid heart into a billion shards that bounced and crackled in his chest cavity.
“Hey,” she said softly, tucking a curl behind one ear. “You okay? You seem kinda quiet.”
“I’m fine. I’m—actually, I’m not fine.” He swallowed hard and glanced down at Henry. The boy had fallen asleep again. Thank God for small miracles.
He looked back at Miriam, and the pain socked him in the gut again. He had to do this. For Henry’s sake, he needed to break things off with her.
“Look, Miriam. I—I can’t do this right now.”
Her smile vanished. “You can’t do what?”
“I can’t be in a relationship. Not with you or with anyone else.”
She stared at him, unblinking, as the smile vanished from her beautiful eyes. She didn’t say a word, and Jason knew he owed it to her to fill the silence.
“Look, I care about you a lot, but I need to take care of my family,” he said. “I owe it to them not to get distracted, not to let them down by being selfish about?—”
“There you are!”
They both jumped as Miriam’s business partner, Holly, came rushing into the room. Her face creased with concern, and she moved past him to drop into an empty seat beside Miriam. “Are you okay? I already gave them the insurance info out front, so it’s all taken care of.”
“I’m fine.” Miriam stared at Jason for two more beats before turning to Holly and offering a pasted-on smile. “Thanks for coming. Who’d have thought I’d need my wallet on a hike?”
“It’s no problem, I was in the neighborhood.” Holly turned to Jason. “Thanks for taking care of her.”
The words felt like a knife through his spleen. He didn’t deserve any thanks, especially not on Miriam’s behalf, and he sure as hell hadn’t done enough to protect her. “Miriam’s the one to thank,” he said. “She found Henry when he got lost.”
She found him, not you. All the more reason you need to cut this off right now.
Miriam stared at him like she wanted to say something else, but their audience was growing. The doctor walked back into the room, clearly unaware he’d just strolled into an awkward cesspool of heartache and self-flagellation and hurt.
“You’re good to go,” he said to Miriam. “That painkiller we gave you might make you a little woozy, so we’re going to need someone else to drive you home.”
The good doc looked from Miriam to Holly to Jason, then back to Miriam again, probably sensing something was off here. An awkward silence stretched out, and Jason hugged his sleeping nephew tighter.
I could have lost him. All because I got distracted.
“I can drive,” Holly offered. “I’m headed that direction anyway, so as long as Jason doesn’t mind—” she trailed off, looking at him with a question in her eyes. “I’m assuming you probably need to take care of your nephew, right?”
He nodded, his throat thick and achy. He couldn’t bring himself to meet Miriam’s eyes, certain he wasn’t strong enough to get up and walk out of the room if he looked at her.
“Yes,” he said softly, squeezing Henry tighter. “I need to take care of my nephew.”
