Page 63 of The Never List
“That, I already know.”
“His powers are an exceptional gift,” he tells me. “But also a heavy burden. Not that he’ll ever admit it. Controlling emotions is a powerful ability, but constantly feeling everyone’s emotions? That weighs on him. He lives between two moods—feeling everything all at once or doing his best to feel nothing at all.”
My heart clenches with understanding. “He says I’m hiding things,” I say timidly.
“Of course you are,” Kal says, moving us to the music.
“That doesn’t bother you?”
His eyes are sincere as he holds me. “We all have secrets, Rylee. And I have hope that when you fully trust me, you’ll tell me whatever it is you don’t want us to know.”
Warmth spreads throughout my chest, my heart, crashing against the walls I’ve tried so desperately to keep in place. Kal has definitely breached those walls, no matter how much I’d like to deny it.
Kal spins us again. “Jax knows that, too,” he continues, “on some level. His distance from you has more to do with protecting himself from you than from whatever it is youaren’t voicing.”
I consider this, wanting to accept it. It makes sense, sure, but Kal wasn’t there with us the night of the Choosing. He didn’t feel Jax’s laugh in his bones, didn’t shiver at his smile, didn’t go loose and pliant in his arms. Jaxfeltsomething that night that made him choose me, but the moment I was chosen, the lies I had to tell to keep myself alive separated me from him. And they always will, and there isn’t a goddess-damned thing I can do about it.
But Kal…Kal has done everything to make me feel comfortable, safe,adored. It may be hard for me to believe his words about secrets not mattering in the end, but I can at least revel in the fantasy while I can.
Not for the first time, I’m tempted to ask him for help finding my sister.
I haven’t been able to get Erin’s painting near the library out of my head since the day I spotted it. I’ve looked for her artwork everywhere since but haven’t found anything more. And try as I might, I haven’t been able to come up with any reason for why the painting is there, except that Erin decided to leave after last year’s Choosing and search out a better life than the one she had in the Ashlands, even if it meant leaving me behind. As much as I don’t want to believe it, nothing else makes sense.
Even so, I can’t give up that easily. I deserve answers, regardless of her intentions. There have been so many instances in the past month when I’ve almost asked Kal for help, the request on the tip of my tongue, but I’ve always swallowed it down with a heavy dose offear.
Letting any one of them know about how desperate I am to find my sister gives them even more power over methan they already have. And I’m not ready to be completely vulnerable with them in that way yet. But the fact that I can even contemplate feeling safe enough to ask eventually is something I never expected.
“Thank you,” I say, focusing on the wonderful man whose arms I’m in.
“For what?” he asks innocently.
“For explaining those details about Jax to me,” I say, moving my free hand from his arm to his chest, drawing closer. “For everything you’ve done for me. I didn’t expect…” I let my voice trail off, unable to go further into what I actually expected—being forced to be a trophy the Legends could play with whenever they want, only to stow me away when they lose interest. Being tested by the kings at every turn. Being nothing but a pretty prize for the Occuli to gape at.
Icy shivers dance over my skin at the thought. I’m thankful that the stalking conjurers are nowhere to be seen. A small mercy Kal had arranged tonight.
“I will miss you,” he says, shifting so our bodies are flush.
Something tugs at the center of my chest, a swell of emotions washing over me.
“Can I admit something to you?” I ask, the breath tight in my lungs.
“Anything,” he says, sliding his hand along my cheek.
I bite my lip, wondering if what I’m about to admit will offend him. It’s his best friend I’m about to ask about, after all.
“Whatever it is,” he says when I hesitate, “you can tell me. I promise.”
I blow out a breath. “I know I told Axlyeswhen he asked me to at the Legend meeting, and I’m not taking back thatyes, but I’m…reluctant to leave you.”
I cringe slightly at how pathetic that sounds out loud. It’s been a month, and already I’m so attached. But can he really blame me? I’ve found nothing but comfort and safety and passion with Kal, and while Axl hasn’t given me any reason to believe he’ll be different…it’s hard to dive so willingly into the unknown.
Kal’s smile is supportive and warm as he looks down at me. “Though I would never want you to feel reluctant, can I say I’m the slightest bit honored you don’t want to leave me just yet?”
A soft laugh tumbles from my lips at his grin—all male pride and confidence.
“Is it ridiculous?” I ask as he moves us around to the music. “I know the Choosing rules. I know I need to spend a month in each of your territories.”
“You’re not being ridiculous at all,” he assures me. “And yes, that’s a rule our mothers laid out in the Choosing, but nowhere does it state that you have to go to each territory alone.”
