Page 147 of The Never List
Mirren simply gives me an approving nod.
“You’re not going to answer me?” I ask when she remains silent.
Debate churns in her eyes, but she finally lets me have it. “I am angry with you,” she says, and I flinch as if she’s hit me.
My eyes widen. “What didIdo?”
“You’ve put yourself in the absolute worst position,” Mirren says, drawing me back to the present. “Honestly, Rylee, I’m disappointed in you.”
I almost curl in on myself as her words hit their target. Goddess, I feel like I’ve just been scolded by my mother.
“What are you talking about?”
“Do you think the Athanry ceremony is just another party? Another event for you to smile and wave at? Another breakfast or art gallery donation for the wealthy of Lumathyst to awe over? You can’tfakeyour way through this one, Rylee. It messes with power the likes of whichregular citizens never experience. It’s designed to kill you more than enhance you, and you’re going to walk in there with no sleep. I could throttle those boys for keeping you up all night and didn’t even think about suggesting you nap today. It’s almost sunset, and you look as if you’ve not slept in days.” Tears line her eyes, her raw emotions catching up with her, and I don’t think, I just move, wrapping her in my arms.
She’s shaking, but her arms come around me in return.
“I’m going to be all right,” I say, the anger leaking right out of me and leading straight into fear. I have no idea if I’m lying or not. I could die, and the thought of never having another day with my mates…
“I’m not going to die,” I say like that will force the outcome. I move, gently clutching her shoulders as we lock eyes. “I didn’t mean to not sleep, but we didn’t want to miss a second of being together.” We’d spent the day talking, eating, and doing routine life tasks in an effort to pretend like tonight wasn’t happening.
Mirren nods in understanding.
“I don’t like being attached to you,” she admits, shaking me off. “I’ve always been so careful to never get attached, but you… Goddess, you’re impossible.”
I laugh weakly. “You sound like my mates.”
“Your mates,” she repeats, pride shining through her features.
“They’re mine,” I say, and at least I know that is a certainty. After everything we’ve been through, the passion and love that’s grown between us, I can’t deny it. I’ll never deny it again. “I will survive for them.”
Goddesses, please let that be true.
Suddenly, I wish so badly for Erin to be here. To be supporting me in this decision. I hate that I can’t completely shut out my hope to reconnect with her one day, even when I know I should. She left me, not the other way around.
But…she’s my sister.
No matter what she did, she’ll always be my sister.
And as I’m quite possibly about to head to my demise, I wish she was here.
“It’s time,” Mirren says, and I force the thoughts away.
Survive, Rylee. Figure out your sister trauma after.
I chant this over and over again as Mirren walks me out of Jax’s estate, leading me to where all four of them wait for me outside of an oversize carriage. All look grim but gorgeous in suits of their home colors.
“I can’t go with you,” Mirren says. “I wish I could, but I’m not allowed. I’ll be praying to the goddesses for you, though.”
“Thank you,” I say, then lower my voice to a whisper. “I love you. If something happens, please take care of them.” Just in case. I don’t want them to grieve alone.
She gives me a curt nod, and Pierce takes my hand, helping me into the carriage before they all follow me inside.
We’re quiet the entire ride to the Temple of Evaluna, having said everything we could last night. Hence our exhaustion. There’s nothing more to say, to worry about, to try to plan when we have no possible way of knowing what’s to come.
Instead, we sit in a somber yet comfortable silence until the carriage stops.
“It’s not too late,” Jax says, reaching for my hand. “We could put an end to this right now.”
