Page 142 of The Never List
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Rylee
“Jax?” I say his name almost timidly, that fear of everything crashing down around me rising to the surface again at his firm declaration. “What do you mean?”
“I agree,” Kal says, and I gape at him.
Axl and Pierce are nodding, too.
“You don’t…” I swallow hard. “You don’t think I’ll survive.” My shoulders drop. They don’t think I’m strong enough.
“I don’t want to take the risk.” Jax reaches over the table, taking my hand in his.
“None of us do,” Kal says.
“From what I’ve gleaned from my father’s memories…” Pierce leans forward, his forearm on the table as he looks to me. “The ones I could access…” He visibly swallows. “When my mother made him immortal, it almost killed him.” His brow pinches. “It’s unnatural and painful, unlike anything you can imagine. He barely survived it.”
Jax’s hold tightens on my hand.
“But when the goddesses set forth the rules of the Choosing, they changed the Athanry. They aren’t going to flood me with powers. They want me to act as your tether to Lumathyst after your full wealth of powers is unlocked,”I say, glancing at each of them. “The process makes me immortal, but I won’t have your powers. I won’t gain my own like the kings did. They said themselves that that’s the mistake they were correcting for. That the kings were too consumed with the access to all the power through their connections to the four goddesses. So…there’s a chance I survive. There’s a chance it’s not like it was with the kings.” The hope in my voice can’t be mistaken, and even I’m a little shocked by it. I’ve been scared of the Athanry since Jax chose me, but now that they’re saying I can’t go through with it, I’m desperate for it.
“You’re correct.” Pierce dips his head toward me. “But there is no certainty in this. No one has ever gone through this before. Not in the way our mothers laid out when they created the Choosing.”
“We don’t need to take the risk,” Axl says, folding his arms over his chest.
“But…your powers. If I don’t go through the Athanry after choosing you, you’ll never have a chance at unlocking the full potential—”
“Fuck our full potential,” Jax cuts me off, leaning farther over the table. “I can’t lose you.”
A lump forms in my throat at the desperation in his voice.
“None of us would survive it,” Kal adds.
I wet my lips, holding back tears. “The kings wouldn’t allow it,” I say. “I’d have to reject you to get out of the Athanry, and that’s not happening.”
“I could speak to my father.” Kal glances at the others. “He’d understand. He’d help convince the other kings to forgo this part.”
“If we could convince them,” Axl says, “she wouldn’t be at risk.”
The four of them continue to volley ideas back and forth, falling into a frantic conversation about me, despite me not adding to it.
And I love each of them all the more for it. For their determination to not risk me, not take the chance. It only further solidifies in my heart that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
Part of me thinks harder on that, realizing that if Erin had never disappeared, I never would’ve gone to the Choosing event, and I never would’ve met them. Never felt this kind of love. And as much as I miss her, as much as I’m hurt over her leaving, I silently thank her.
“It could work—”
“No,” I cut off Pierce’s new idea, the table falling silent as they return their focus to me. “No,” I say again, squeezing Jax’s hand that is still in mine. “I love you. Each of you. I know in my heart this is where I’m supposed to be. As terrifying as the Athanry is…all the unknown surrounding it…your mothers put it into place as a test for yourtruemate. I will survive it because that’s who I am.”
“Rylee,” Kal says, shaking his head. “We can’t—”
“It’s not your decision to make,” I say, leaving no room for argument on my face. “It’s mine.” I take a deep breath. “It’s always been mine.”
That’s the entire point of the Choosing: for me to put my life on the line in a clear choice for them, for their powers, for their immortality and mine.
“Butterfly…” Jax’s voice is soft.
“I will survive.” I make sure every inch of determinationis clear in my tone.
