Page 120 of The Never List
Mirren has already packed my things, and Pierce helped her load them into the carriage.
He smooths his hands down my arms, drawing me close. “I would keep you forever if I could, darling,” he says. “But I must share you.”
“I’m nervous,” I admit. “Jax… He hasn’t…” I can barely find the right words.
Pierce intertwines our fingers. “I will admit, I wasn’t sure about Jax’s choice that first evening or even weeks after.” He flashes me an apologetic smile. “You were different than any before, and while I knew that might be the best change of pace, I was afraid.” He sighs. “I’m afraid every Choosing.” He squeezes my hands tighter. “The pressure of finding the perfect mate is a daunting problem that I’ve had no control over. Even when I made my selection, it was wrong.” Something calculating flickers behind his eyes. “And now I believe it’s becausewewere the ones choosing.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I don’t think Jax chose you like we’ve done in the past,” he explains. “I think hehadto choose you. I think he felt the connection we’ve all felt and couldn’t deny it, almost as if you walked into the party and chose us instead.”
My heart expands a little at his declaration, but my spirit instantly falls.
That’s not even close to the reason I was there.
The image of my sister flutters across my mind, followed by the deep ache in my chest with the uncertainty of her whereabouts. None of Pierce’s connections, or Axl’s or Kal’s, have been able to locate her, which has sat heavily on my chest for weeks now.
It doesn’t matter that I’ve convinced myself herforget mepainting in the Ruby Aire was an outward declaration of her not wanting to be found…it still hurts.
Pierce flinches as if he can feel the pain radiating from me, and it’s only then that I sense the soft warmth of his presence in my mind.
Fear and panic streak through my veins, but he simply skirts a hand along my cheek, pressing his forehead to mine.
“I promise,” he whispers. “I’m doing everything in my power to find her.”
The sincerity in his words brings tears to my eyes, but I quickly suck in a breath, not wanting our last private moments to be spent crying.
“You should stop spending your resources on it.” I hate to admit that out loud, but it’s the truth. “We have to focus on the quickly approaching winter solstice and the Athanry,” I hurry to say. “Perhaps my sister simply doesn’t want to be found.” My heart clenches in my chest. “I’m starting to believe that if she wanted to be, she would be.”
“I admire your courage in accepting that possibility,” he says, and the depth of that understanding radiates in his eyes. “But I won’t stop searching. None of us will. You deserve closure and peace about her well-being, regardlessof the motivation behind it in the first place.”
I sigh, nodding. I’m so grateful for him…for all of them, I don’t even know where to begin in the way of thanking them.
“You’re sure about this?” I ask after a few moments, because I really need the assurance right now.
“Rylee, darling,” he says, bringing our bodies flush as he tips my head back with the hand on my cheek. “I don’t want you to go, but you must. It’s Jax’s turn. The sooner you two sort out your differences, the sooner we can all start the final bonding process.”
“Differences,” I say, shaking my head in his palm. I focus on that problem instead of the giant one at hand.
How am I to accept the bonds with these Legends officially and undergo the Athanry when they don’t know my secrets?
“That’s an understatement,” I continue. “Jax has been indifferent toward me since the night of the Choosing. Iknowhe regrets his choice.”
“Can you read minds now, darling?” Pierce asks, teasing his lips over mine and making me shiver.
“No, but Jax isn’t that hard to read.”
“He’s the hardest to read, even for me.” He leans down, kissing me again, longer this time, enough to soothe the aching tension in my chest, enough to make me forget that I’m about to leave.
“You know that it doesn’t matter if you, Axl, and Kal have given me your tokens, your choice…if Jax doesn’t, if he finds me lacking…”
Then we’re all screwed.
And he’s the one I’ve worried about most. Not onlybecause I was so instantly drawn to him that night, but because he’s the one whose approval I’ve sought most this entire time and I’venevergotten it. He hates liars, and he knows I’m lying to them every single day. How can I be expected to fix that tangled mess?
“No one is perfect, Rylee,” he says, and I scan his face for deception. Because he can’t be fully telling the truth. Not if he knows where I come from. Not if he knows I’m a forbidden anomaly living in a world designed to hate me. “We all have flaws. You’ve seen enough of ours to understandably send you running, but you haven’t.” He sighs. “Jax is complicated. Try to put yourself in his position. His father is a liar by nature, someone who constantly tests and punishes him for simply being what he is. Since birth, Jax has been bombarded with other peoples’ emotions. Yes, he can control them, but the constant state of feeling what others do, of knowing how they feel about him…”
The sentence hangs there as Pierce’s features shift. He and Jax are the closest out of the four, and there’s genuine concern in his eyes.
